Overloaded With Attributes Chapter 42

You Know That... Smell... You Only Get in Thrift Stores? 

"C'mon, if we keep screwing around in the parking lot, the teacher's gonna yell at us."

"You've got some nerve," Atena shot back. "You were the one taking the most time, and now you're acting all 'mission complete'?"

It's not like we're late, but this is technically class. We should probably get moving. We headed for the equipment rental shop, which was just a giant, bare-concrete box, kinda like a massive Uniqlo or a thrift store.

"Ugh... there's a... funk... in the air. You know? It smells like a high school kendo club's storage closet."

"Well, yeah. It's a shop full of armor. What did you expect?"

"Wait, but this stuff is for girls, not old dudes, right?"

"I think... that's why it smells," Shizuka said grimly.

Eh? Are the girls in this world built differently? Do they have the "Old Man Gene" (Body Odor)? ...That's... a terrifying thought.

"H-Hiu?! Hnn...!" Atena's legs gave out, and she slumped to the floor.

"Y-You! What the hell was that?! Sniffing me is bad enough—but what you did after...!" She was blushing all the way to her ears, glaring at me like I'd just betrayed her. ...Look, you gotta confirm these things, right? I'd... unconsciously... leaned in and sniffed the back of Atena's neck. And damn, she smelled amazing.

"What! Are you really gonna blame me for 'one little lick' I did in the heat of the moment?! Is our friendship that fragile?!"

"You can't just 'heat of the moment' your way out of everything, you idiot!"

"My bad."

"Yuugiri-kun licky-licky... Yuugiri-kun licky-licky... Yuugiri-kun... licky..."

"(Yuu-kun broke Shizuka.)" ...Isn't this just her normal operating state?

"Hey, but Akiyoshi licks her friend, Tiara-chan!"

"Not yet, I haven't! ...Not while she's conscious, anyway." Akiyoshi—definitely the type of person who should not be allowed to roam free.

"Anyway! Let's go pick out our gear!"

"WHOSE FAULT DO YOU THINK THIS IS?!"

"Hey, playing the blame game isn't going to solve anything."

"That's... not something the guy who did the thing gets to say!"

"What are you? Are you one of those crazy moms who, when her kid commits a crime, says, 'Why are you nagging him? Boys will be boys'?"

"Nope. I am not one of those crazy moms."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

"Hey, if you get all pissy, your blood pressure will go up. Ah! I get it! Is it 'that' time of the—"

"NO, IT'S NOT! God, you are...!"

Anyway, we split up to get our gear for the day. (Which just meant walking to different corners of the same room.)

... ... ...

"...Yuugiri-kun. What... is that?" I finished first and was sitting on a bench, 'Appraising' the Explorer-sans walking by, when Shizuka found me.

"What do you mean, 'what'?" We're going to hunt slimes. I dressed for it. Slime attacks are just straight-line lunges at your face. All I need is one thin sword and a belt to hang it on. Simple is best.

"I should be asking you that. What are you planning to fight in that heavy gear?" She, on the other hand, was holding a transparent riot shield and a brutal-looking mace that did not suit a girl. She'd taken off her blazer and was wearing a skintight leather bodysuit. It was a total mess, like some B-movie cat-burglar. And she wasn't the only one...

"Atena... why do you look like you're just... going to the mall?"

"Uh, because if I walk around the mall with a sword on my hip, I'll get arrested. What's with you guys? Why are you all in full battle-plate? What are we fighting?" (Also, why does Akiyoshi look so... lewd... in the exact same outfit?)

"What...? Haven't you watched the 'How to Beat Mochi' video?"

"What's to watch? I've seen more slimes than I've seen my own parents. They fly at you... and you go... 'Hya!'." I thrust my hand forward.

"I mean... yeah, basically. But you need a shield to do the 'Hya'!"

"A shield? No, a shield would just get in the way of the 'Hya'!"

"...Eh?"

"...Eh?" ...Wait. Is the "So-Easy-a-Kid-Can-Do-It Slime-Slaying-Method" from the isekai... different... from how they kill Mochi here?

"It's fine. You won't die. I will be your meat shield."

"I'm... pretty sure... I'm not going to die to a slime. And just so we're clear, if you jump in front of me while I'm holding a sword, I'm gonna be pissed."

"...shobon... (deflates)... But... I'm the best at taking hits with my body..."

"(If Shizuka has a shield... why doesn't she use it?)"

"My brilliant Tiara! You noticed!" (We all noticed. We just didn't want to deal with this.)

We headed for the entrance to the Dungeon Dome. "...Hey, why are all those people by the gate... huddled on the ground? They look... green. And... is that... an 'acidic' smell?"

"Yeah... I don't think that's your imagination."

"We're good, right? There's no... 'puddles'... on the floor? I'm delicate. If I see it, I'm gonna 'sympathy-puke'."

"Do you have some kind of grudge against 'puke'?" (No... but I've never eaten it, either.) (...I'm a traditionalist. When it comes to 'puke,' I'm 'pork-and-cabbage' all the way. ...Wait.)

"I don't think a 'delicate' person... would be talking about 'puke'... while standing next to people who look like they're about to," Shizuka muttered.

We walked up to a wide, automatic turnstile. A mechanical voice said, "Please present your ID card." I 'beeped' my new license. "Huh... so the 'gate' is... actually a 'gate'." It was a 10-foot-tall metal archway. We stepped through, and on the other side...

"This is... just the same room! It's just... a bunch of other students who look like they're about to die!"

Just as I said that, all four of my party members turned green and slapped their hands over their mouths.

<<PREV | TOC | NEXT>>