Rich Girl Caretaker Vol. 5 Chapter 4
Welcoming a Good Change
The next morning.
"Shizune-san, good morning."
"Good morning."
When I woke up, Shizune-san was already up and about. Her long black hair was perfect, without a hint of bedhead, and she was already in her maid uniform. It was clear she hadn't just woken up with me.
"I've prepared breakfast. Are you ready to eat?"
"...Yes. Thank you."
I moved the partition to make space for the low table. I'd assumed she would go back to sleep, but the moment our eyes met—
"Nn, mgh...?!"
Her eyes shot wide open, and she sat bolt upright.
"Hinako, good morning. You're up early."
"...I-I'm going to wash my face."
Her cheeks were slightly flushed as she scrambled into the bathroom. She was definitely still acting strange. I'd hoped she'd be back to normal after a night's sleep...
I put the futons away in the closet and set up the table, and by then, she had returned.
"Let's eat."
Since Hinako was up, the table was set for three. The spread was bacon, an omelet, vegetable salad, and bread... a Western-style breakfast. I started by reaching for the glass beside my plate to wet my throat. It was filled with what looked like a vegetable and fruit juice.
"Don't tell me this is homemade?"
"Yes. I used the blender I bought last night to make smoothies."
As expected of a head maid, the service was impeccable. The bacon was perfectly crisp, and the omelet, soft and runny on the inside, was delicious. As I was marveling at Shizune-san's skill, I noticed Hinako hadn't taken a single bite. She was just staring blankly into space.
"It can’t be helped."
Hinako sometimes zones out just like this during lunch at school when we're eating our bentos. I scooped up some of the omelet with my spoon and held it to her mouth.
"Here."
She must want me to feed her, like always. That was my guess, but she flinched and looked at me, startled.
"No, no, no, that's not it...!"
"Huh? Then why aren't you eating?"
I lowered the spoon and asked. Hinako dropped her head and replied:
"T-Too... close..."
The ears peeking through her amber hair were bright red, like an apple. ...Does she mean the distance between us? We were sitting side-by-side, but this was the same distance as always when we ate at the mansion.
"But you're going to drop your food."
"Ngh."
When Hinako drops her act and reverts to her true self, she can eat normally, but she gets distracted or dozes off, often dropping food from her mouth. Preventing that from happening is my job as her attendant.
"I-I'll do my best today...!"
She said, practically shoveling the food into her mouth. But in her haste, she got a bit of egg on her cheek.
"Hinako, hold still."
I grabbed a napkin from the center of the table and wiped her cheek.
"Okay, got it."
I vaguely recalled doing the same thing at the beef bowl restaurant. But Hinako's reaction was nothing like mine. Her mouth was opening and closing for some reason—
"Ah-woo-woo~~~!!"
"Hinako?"
Her cheeks went crimson, as if she were completely mortified. This was a perfectly normal thing for us... What on earth was wrong with her?
◆
During the day, I went about my usual routine of reviewing and preparing my schoolwork. I was focusing on math today. At yesterday's study session, Tennouji-san had come up with a problem on the fly that I couldn't solve. It made me feel I hadn't reviewed enough. Studying with other people was incredibly rewarding. That was something I'd never realized back when my life was just burying myself in part-time jobs, with no time to really connect with anyone. Just then, I felt someone watching me and looked up.
"Hinako, what's wrong?"
"N-Nothing."
She coolly looked away. But when I went back to my work... I felt her watching me again.
"Hinako?"
"Nothing."
"No, you've been staring at me..."
".........You're imagining it."
I was definitely not imagining it. Did I get something on my face? I thought, checking my nose and cheeks, but there was nothing. I glanced at the clock on the TV stand. It was 2 PM, and the air in the room felt warm and lazy.
(...It's about time for Hinako's nap.)
On days off, this was usually when she'd take a nap.
"Hinako, should I get the futon ready?"
When I asked, she shook her head stiffly.
"............I... I'm not... sleeping today."
"Huh?"
Impossible. "Not sleeping"? How could those words possibly come out of Hinako's mouth? For a second, I wondered if this was an imposter, but figuring that was impossible, I moved on to my second suspicion.
"Hinako."
"Nn, eh...?"
I stopped studying and walked over to her. I gently brushed her soft hair aside and placed my hand on her pale forehead.
"...Good, you don't have a fever."
I'd thought this strange behavior might be because she was sick, but that didn't seem to be it. Oh well, her being healthy was the most important thing. But at that, Hinako recoiled from me, her eyes brimming with tears.
"Ngh-ngh-ngh-ngh~~~~~!!"
"Hinako?"
She covered her face with both hands, as if trying to hide her crimson cheeks, and let out a pained whimper.
◆
That evening, it was unseasonably cool for summer. Once it got dark, you could feel a genuine chill in the air. We finished dinner, and I watched some TV, thinking.
(...Is Hinako avoiding me?)
At dinner, Hinako didn't sit next to me. She sat diagonally across from me. Directly across would have been one thing, but sitting diagonally... Maybe I was overthinking it, but considering how close we usually were, it felt like she was a mile away.
"I-I'm going to bathe by myself today, too...!"
"O-Okay."
She really... was avoiding me. I watched her go into the bathroom, then sank to my hands and knees, completely dejected.
"Itsuki-san, pull yourself together."
"...I'm fine. But being rejected two days in a row... I must have done something..."
"If you think about it calmly, two people of the same age, of the opposite sex, bathing together is the weirder situation."
"...That's true."
Her words were a sudden revelation.
"N-No, wait! But we always bathed together before!"
"Because 'before' was always the weird situation."
"That's also true... You're right...!!"
Put like that, I couldn't argue. So, assuming the past was the anomaly, the question is why things are changing now. Come to think of it, Hinako has done this before. Like when she asked Shizune-san to wake her up in the mornings instead of me. I never found out the reason that time, either. It just eventually resolved itself. Should I just wait and see this time, too? But this was making me really uneasy.
"...Could you please try asking her for me?"
Shizune-san looked toward the bathroom and called out:
"Ojou-sama, Itsuki-san seems to want to wash your hair."
"D-Don't... even think about it...!!"
Hinako's voice came from behind the door. For her, that was an incredibly strong rejection.
"How could...?"
This time, I really collapsed to the floor. "Don't even think about it"... Those words echoed in my head. She was that opposed to it... I wasn't going to recover from this anytime soon.
"...This is unexpected. Considering Ojou-sama's personality, I had intended to just watch silently... but I didn't expect Itsuki-san to be so badly wounded by it."
Shizune-san murmured, her hand on her forehead. Just then, with a faint "click," the bathroom door opened a crack.
"Sh-Shizune..."
"Ojou-sama, what is it?"
"...I forgot to grab my underwear."
Hinako said bashfully. But hearing her voice, I sensed a chance for redemption.
"I-I'll get it!"
"...No, I really don't think you should."
"It's fine! I used to help her change her clothes, didn't I?"
I opened Hinako's luggage bag, which was next to the closet. I found what I was looking for and rushed it over to the bathroom.
"Hinako, look! I brought your underwear!"
I held the pair of pure white panties up to the bathroom door. Naturally, I kept my eyes squeezed shut so I wouldn't see inside. Just as I was thinking, I hope this cheers her up—
"~~~~~~!!"
Hinako let out another pained whimper and snatched the underwear from my hand.
"P-P-P..."
"P...?"
"Pervert...!!"
And the bathroom door was slammed shut.
"Per...?"
What did she just call me...? I was so shocked, I forgot to breathe.
"Y-You, go outside... for a while...!!"
Her words stabbed straight into my chest. I stumbled outside in a daze.
◆
Five minutes later. The cool night air had cooled my head, and I'd fully come to my senses.
"...I'm a pervert."
Why did I do that? It must have been because Hinako was suddenly keeping her distance, and it made me anxious. It started last night... no, come to think of it, she's been acting strange ever since the summer lecture. But what am I supposed to do when I'm not acting normal either? Should I wait and see, or be proactive? I had no idea what the right move was.
I'd decided to be proactive, meddled, and failed spectacularly. It was too late now, but I clearly should have just waited. But thinking about it, I realized something... waiting is agonizing. It's easier to do something, which is why I'd acted. Part of it was concern for Hinako, but a bigger part was just trying to ease my own anxiety. I was so immature... As I was squatting outside, wallowing in self-reflection, the door opened.
"You've calmed down a bit."
Shizune-san said, looking at my dejected form.
"I was kicked out, too."
"Huh?"
"Ojou-sama seems to want to be alone for a while. It's difficult to get any personal space in this apartment."
That was true. Back when I lived here, my parents were hardly ever home, and I was always at school or work. I'd never minded it then, but this time, all three of us were home a lot. But still...
"I don't think Hinako is the type to mind that..."
After all, she usually takes any chance she gets to come sleep in my room. She's never seemed to crave time alone before.
"Perhaps she's starting to mind it now."
Was this another one of those "good changes" Shizune-san mentioned? For me, at least, Hinako's change was just baffling.
◆
(Ngh-ngh-ngh~~~~!!)
After kicking them out, Hinako buried her face in a cushion and thrashed. She felt a pang of guilt, but more than anything, she just desperately needed to be alone. It was the first time in her life she'd ever felt this way.
(Why isn't Itsuki reacting at all...?!)
This morning, this afternoon, and just now! Her own heart was pounding like crazy, but Itsuki was completely unfazed.
(I have to... research this more.)
To calm this thumping in her chest, she needed to absorb the correct knowledge. Thinking this, Hinako went back to the shoujo manga Yuri had lent her. The high-school-girl protagonist was eating lunch with a handsome classmate. They were eating pasta, when the boy suddenly brought a napkin to the corner of her mouth—
—You've got some sauce here.
He said with a bright smile, wiping it away. The heroine blushed, her heart pounding. Hinako's eyes went wide.
"Th-Th-Th-That... That's... just like us...!"
She flashed back to that morning, when Itsuki had wiped her cheek. She also realized that every manga Yuri had lent her was about "love." Their situation was exactly the same as the manga, so why was Itsuki acting like it was nothing?
(...Could he be... just like me?)
Could Itsuki also not understand what "love" was? Was that why he could do things like that without a change in expression?
(I have to ask him.)
Holding the manga, Hinako gently opened the front door. She peeked out and saw Itsuki and Shizune talking.
"But Shizune-san, if you swap out kitchen equipment that often, isn't it a pain to deal with?"
"You can sell it to second-hand shops. They say small, independent restaurants have a need for it. Conversely, we also buy used equipment. For example—"
They seemed to be talking about work. Both looked engaged as they discussed the details of being an attendant.
(...They seem to get along really well.)
Hinako felt a pang of gloominess. This, too, was just like the manga... a feeling she'd been having a lot lately. Shizune, whether she realized it or not, was always more talkative than usual when she was with Itsuki.
(Those two... are very similar.)
Hinako had noticed it from living so closely with them. Itsuki and Shizune were similar in some ways. First, they were both serious about everything. Second, they were particular. Once they decided to learn something, they'd try to master it completely. When a chance to practice it came along, they'd treat it as a "rare opportunity" to show off their little quirks. For example, Shizune going out of her way to make smoothies for breakfast, or Itsuki adding a secret ingredient to his curry. Both of them... loved having their own little personal touches.
"...Itsuki."
Hinako's voice cut into their conversation.
"Ah, Hinako?!"
Itsuki looked surprised to see her. Shizune was startled, too, but Hinako found it hard to meet her gaze and kept her eyes on Itsuki.
"Hinako... um, I'm sorry about earlier. I wasn't acting right."
"...It's fine."
It wasn't, really, but she had something more important to ask.
"...Have you read this?"
Hinako held out the manga to him. Itsuki's eyes widened.
"Shoujo manga? Where did you get that?"
"Hirano-san lent it to me."
Itsuki murmured, "So that's what was in the bag."
"I don't really read shoujo manga... but I borrowed Meteor Plant Garden from Yuri once. I think I read up to volume 5."
".........Y-You've... read it?"
"Yeah. It was pretty good."
Itsuki said, completely unabashed. Hearing his answer, Hinako retreated back inside the apartment.
"Huh...? Um, Hinako?"
"...You stay out there... a little longer."
There was too much to think about. She needed to be alone again.
(H-He's... read it...)
Hinako stared at the ceiling, her mind spinning.
(Then... he knew about all this stuff... and he did all those things anyway...?!)
What did that mean? Hinako didn't understand at all. She felt dizzy. Her research was insufficient. She dove back into the manga. The protagonist was resting her head on the lap of the boy she liked.
We did the same thing as the manga... again! Hinako blushed.
—A lap pillow just makes my heart pound! I can't sleep! The protagonist thought.
(...Huh?)
Hinako felt something was off.
(When I rested on his lap... I didn't feel that way.)
Itsuki's lap was warm. It was calming, and made it easy to sleep. It never made her heart pound so much she couldn't sleep. Why the difference? Hinako was curious, but she couldn't find an answer, even as she kept reading.
(...I'll have to ask someone.)
She picked up her phone. There was only one person she could ask. The person who had lent her these manga.
"Hello, Hirano-san?"
"Konohana-san? What's up?"
Yuri picked up right away. Hinako took a deep breath and began.
"I read the manga you lent me. It was my first time ever reading manga, so it took a while..."
"Huh? You've never read manga?"
"No."
"...How do I put this... You're really like an ojou-sama straight out of a manga."
Yuri said, her voice filled with a strange understanding.
"So, what's up?"
"Um, they were all very good."
"Very good, huh..."
Yuri seemed unsatisfied with that review, her reaction hard to read.
"So, do you get what 'like' is now?"
"!"
"Ahaha! Sounds like you do."
Yuri laughed, sensing Hinako's jolt of surprise. Hinako forced herself to regain her composure and spoke in the calmest voice she could manage.
"...To be honest, I'm not confident I fully understand this 'like' feeling yet. But I had a few questions while I was reading, so I decided to call."
"Okay. I'll do my best to give you a serious answer."
What a reliable answer.
"First, in Meteor Plant Garden—"
Hinako flipped open the manga and began her questions.
"Why does the protagonist choose to hold hands here?"
"Because holding hands with the person you like feels good, so she worked up her courage, I guess?"
"Then, why do they hug each other here?"
"Uh... Probably to confirm their feelings for each other?"
Yuri answered, sounding a little embarrassed.
"Why do they kiss here?"
"Th-That's probably because... her parents aren't home, and maybe they wouldn't get another chance, so they just couldn't help... H-Huh? Am I being interrogated right now?"
Yuri started spouting nonsense to hide her overwhelming embarrassment. While Hinako was reeling in confusion, Yuri cleared her throat, as if to say, Don't mind that, just continue.
"Then, why the lap pillow..."
"Mmm... Because they want to feel that their physical closeness is 'special'...?"
It seemed to have the same meaning as the holding hands, hugging, and kissing Yuri had just described. And yet, Hinako felt that wasn't right.
".........A lap pillow... probably doesn't have that meaning, does it?"
"Huh?"
Yuri was confused. Hinako explained.
"Hypothetically... and this is just a hypothesis. Say I rested my head on a boy's lap."
"Wait, you guys have already done that!?"
"What?"
"Ah, sorry. Uh, please continue."
Yuri seemed extremely flustered for some reason, but quickly calmed herself. Hinako continued.
"Even if I did rest my head on his lap... my heart wouldn't pound like that. Instead, it just feels... comfortable. Like I could sleep really well."
"Oh? I guess if you're used to it, it might be like that..."
Since she'd felt comfortable before she could have possibly gotten "used to it," it couldn't be about frequency.
"There are other examples. For instance, when he carries me on his back... I think that's similar to a hug. But I still don't blush or feel my heart pound. I just feel... safe."
At the mansion, she'd occasionally have Itsuki carry her back to her room. That, too, was so relaxing she'd almost fall asleep. No heart-pounding. She was having a very different reaction from the manga heroines. Was this feeling unique to her?
"Mmm... So what does make your heart pound?"
Hinako thought back.
"...For example, when we're cooking together, and our shoulders accidentally brush..."
"~~~~! That's... so cute...!"
Compared to all the hand-holding and hugging in the manga, her example seemed pretty tame, but Yuri was gushing over it.
"I think I get it... Simply put, it's about what feels 'couple-like' and what doesn't."
"Couple-like...?"
"Like, a lap pillow has a 'kid being spoiled' vibe, right? Same with a piggyback ride. But cooking together... that's very couple-like. Or like a married couple. Realizing that is probably what's making your heart pound."
Hinako felt like Yuri had seen into a part of her heart she hadn't even been able to touch herself. It all made sense. Unfortunately. What she felt for Itsuki was finally clear. Hinako felt an overwhelming urge to deny it. If she admitted it, she felt she might lose control...
"B-But, the shoulder-bumping... that could just be 'surprise.' And the lap pillows and piggyback rides weren't sudden, so that's logical..."
"No, no, no. You know the difference between being 'startled' and being 'flustered,' right?"
"Ngh...!"
Her words hit like a fastball. Hinako was speechless. Hinako was used to being called an "unreachable flower" or a "perfect ojou-sama." Very few people spoke to her this bluntly. It was a valuable opinion.
"Konohana-san, you're just getting the feeling of 'wanting to be spoiled' mixed up with 'love,' aren't you?"
"Mixed up...?"
"Yeah, they're all jumbled together... That's probably why it's so hard for you to tell."
Yuri said, as if it had just clicked.
"Listen, Konohana-san. At the summer lecture, I saw you and Itsuki watching the fireworks. I still remember the look on your face... I really don't think that's the face you make at someone you just want to be spoiled by."
Yuri added, "Maybe that's just me meddling, though."
"My expression..."
Hinako had very little interest in her own face. She saw it every morning in the mirror while her hair was being done. Setting aside her "perfect ojou-sama" mask, her normal face was usually spaced-out, sleepy, and lazy. Frankly, she didn't think it was a very "likeable" expression. What could Yuri have seen in that face? Hinako grew curious. She stood up and went to the bathroom to look in the mirror. It would just be her usual, lazy face reflected there. She thought... but the face in the mirror was—
".........Ah."
The girl in the mirror was not the 'her' she knew. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes moist, her expression a mix of hope and anxiety. It wasn't the "perfect ojou-sama." It wasn't the "lazy girl." It was the first time she had ever seen... that expression. It was so different from her usual self that, for a second, she thought it was a stranger who just looked remarkably like her.
—Ah. Of course. Maybe she should have just looked in the mirror from the beginning. If she had, she would have understood instantly. This wasn't her usual self. That's why her old values couldn't comprehend the feeling that had taken root in her heart. The girl in the mirror was a stranger, but this hadn't just started... It must have been this way for a long time. She just hadn't noticed. This was a new version of herself. And she had changed, thanks to Itsuki.
"Are you okay?"
"...Yes. I'm fine."
Yuri must have been surprised by her long silence, waiting a moment before speaking again. And thanks to her, Hinako was able to sort out her feelings.
"I think I understand now. My feelings... and what you were saying."
Hinako said, as if savoring the words herself. She could feel Yuri smile warmly on the other end.
"How do I put this... I feel like I'm finally hearing your real voice."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hide it..."
"Don't worry about it. You're the Konohana heiress, after all. You're in a tough position. It must be hard to just speak your mind."
Yuri said it so genuinely that Hinako was at a loss for words. Hinako had no intention of ever letting Yuri see her true self, all to protect her "perfect ojou-sama" facade. "I didn't mean to hide it" was a lie. And yet, Yuri's response was so generous, it almost felt as if she saw right through that lie and was accepting her anyway.
"You're very kind."
"A-Am I?"
"Yes. Just like Tomonari-kun, you support people so naturally... When someone treats you with that much warmth, you can't help but open up."
"Hearing you say that makes me want to jump for joy."
Yuri laughed, sounding a little bashful.
"But... Konohana-san. I should warn you..."
Yuri's voice turned serious.
"In 'Only Telling You,' there's that girl 'Kurumi', right? Well, if you're the protagonist of this story, then I'm Kurumi."
"...Huh?"
The line went dead. Hinako set her phone on the floor and flipped open the pages of Only Telling You. In a sense, Kurumi's role in the story was very clear. She was the main character's love rival.
".........................Ehhh."
A thousand conflicting thoughts tangled in her heart. Was this what she was going to have to deal with from now on? It felt like... a little too much for her to handle right now.
◆
The next day. After lunch, a lazy atmosphere settled over the apartment. While Shizune-san hung out the laundry, I took care of the vacuuming. I turned the vacuum off for a moment to change outlets, and I could hear comedians laughing on the TV. Hinako was watching. Is the vacuum too loud? I wondered, glancing at her. She was just staring blankly. Her eyes were vacant, lost in thought.
"Hinako, are you feeling okay?"
"Mmm... it's not that."
Hinako shook her head, then added:
"I just have a lot on my mind."
She seemed to realize she wasn't acting like her usual self, so she didn't try to brush me off.
"I can listen, if you want to talk."
"Thank you. But this is probably something I need to think about on my own..."
It seemed to be a problem she couldn't tell me about. She went back to staring into space. I put the vacuum away and went out to the balcony.
"Shizune-san, I'll help."
"Thank you. Could you hang this futon, then?"
There wasn't enough space to hang all three futons at once, so today we'd only washed Hinako's. I smoothed the wrinkles on the cover and used clothespins to keep the wind from blowing it away.
"Itsuki-san, is something wrong?"
She must have noticed I was lost in thought while hanging the futon.
"No, it's just... Hinako seems to have a lot on her mind, too."
"Ojou-sama is only human. Of course she has moments like that."
"That's true..."
How could I describe this feeling? I looked up at the blue sky and tried to put it into words.
"How do I put this... It's just frustrating that I can't help..."
It might be an arrogant way to think. But I couldn't help feeling that way whenever I saw Hinako worrying about something by herself.
"It's all right."
Shizune-san smiled at me.
"You are fine just as you are."
She's been with Hinako far longer than I have. Hearing her say that put me a little at ease. But at the same time, one phrase kept coming back to me. —As you are now, you can't become Hinako's safe harbor. Takuma-san's words echoed in my head.
Is the reason I can't help her... the reason she's worrying all alone... because I'm not fit to be her safe harbor? The anxiety lingered. I finished with the laundry and went back inside.
"Hm?"
My phone vibrated in my pocket. A message had come in on a messaging app.
"A reunion...?"
It was being planned by one of the former classmates I'd run into at the school gate. The date was for tomorrow. It was short notice, but with summer break about to end, that couldn't be helped. When I clicked the poll for attendance, I saw the irresponsible comment, "Maybe we can see Itsuki!" It seemed like he'd planned it because I was back, but reading the chat, it was mostly him just thinking, "It'd be nice to do something." In reality, even former classmates I didn't know well had instantly replied "attending." Being the "main attraction" made me nervous and uncomfortable, but if not for that, I might have wanted to go. Chatting with them the other day had been nostalgic and fun. I was grateful they'd even invite me.
(But Hinako is acting so strangely right now...)
The poll closed today. I decided I'd just wait until the last possible second before responding. I put my phone back in my pocket.
◆
After dinner. Hinako, bit by bit, was regaining her composure. Now that she'd accepted this change in herself, her perspective on their daily life had shifted. Lap pillows, piggyback rides... thinking back, they had been incredibly intimate. Did she have to... give those up now? The thought made her heart sink.
"Hinako, are you going to bathe by yourself today, too?"
"!"
Itsuki, who had just been cleaning the bathroom, asked her. It was the exact thing she'd been thinking about, and it made her jump. What do I do? I have to say no. I have to say I'm going to bathe by myself from now on... I have to... ............
"H-Help... me... wash my hair."
"!! Okay, leave it to me!"
Itsuki's face instantly broke into a wide smile. She'd been rejecting him, so he was probably just happy. But unlike the overjoyed Itsuki, Hinako's heart was a mess.
(I... I just caved...)
I was supposed to say no...
Hinako changed into her swimsuit and nervously sank into the bathtub. When it was time, she called Itsuki in, and he entered looking just as cheerful as before.
"Is it itchy anywhere?"
"N-No..."
Hinako's brain was short-circuiting.
(...I'm so shameless.)
I'm pretending to be innocent. But I already know how I feel. Even with a swimsuit, I know how "couple-like" it is for a boy and girl to be in the bath together. And I'm pretending not to know, making him do this.
(But... I wanted to...)
The desire won out over the guilt. Hinako's heart was a storm of fluttering for Itsuki and a crushing sense of wrongdoing. It made her cover her face with her hands.
"Sorry, did water get in your eyes?"
Hinako just shook her head silently. After Itsuki left the bathroom, she got out. Before leaving, she glanced in the mirror and saw her face was bright red. Itsuki would probably mistake it for being overheated, but this flush wasn't from the bath. When she came out, Itsuki was reading. He looked up.
"I'll take my bath now."
Hinako silently watched his back as he grabbed his things. She finally understood the special meaning of them living under the same roof. The more aware she became, the more flustered she felt. But she didn't think it was better not to know. She was confused, but she wanted to know more. She wanted to know more about "love." With that thought, she picked up Yuri's manga again.
(I have to read while Itsuki is in the bath.)
The manga was over-stimulating. She couldn't focus when he was in the same room. Shizune-san was busy with paperwork, so even if she had a strong reaction, no one would notice. She turned the page. It was a scene where two girls were fighting over one boy. —Hmph. He's mine now. Stop bothering him. A girl with heavy makeup said. She wasn't the protagonist; she was the rival. This girl was extremely possessive. If she wanted something—whether a designer brand or a person—she had to have it. Maybe because she was rich, she was used to getting her way and would use force to get what she wanted.
(This character... is so annoying...)
The rival was clearly painted as a villain, and Hinako despised her. She was selfish, never considered other people's feelings, and dragged everyone into her drama without a trace of self-awareness. —Why don't you see it?! The protagonist yelled. —You just want to tie him down and make him yours! The rival's shoulders flinched. It had hit home. But that line—
"—Ah."
Ah. Ah. That line didn't just hit the manga character. It pierced straight through Hinako's heart. —Stop taking anything more from him! The protagonist's anguished cry was like a bucket of ice water on Hinako's soaring feelings. Why... did I almost forget? She had discovered her feelings and gotten swept away. So stupid. There was another truth she had to face.
I... might have stolen Itsuki's life.
Hinako had felt this ever since the summer lecture, when Itsuki told her about his past. Before he became her attendant, he'd had a completely different life. A life she had suddenly taken from him. He was a commoner; he never would have attended Kiou Academy. She had dragged him into the world of the upper class, forcing him to work harder than anyone. If she hadn't found him, would he have starved? ... Itsuki had been abandoned, but from what Yuri said, Hinako didn't believe he would have just given up. He had people to rely on. Even if she hadn't extended her hand, he probably could have rebuilt his life with help from Yuri and his old friends. If that was true... had she just meddled? Hinako had chosen to stay in Itsuki's old apartment to face that exact fear. To understand his past more deeply. To see just how much she had twisted his life—
"I..."
In the manga, the rival was speechless, her expression full of regret. Until now, Hinako had identified with the protagonist, idly wishing for a sweet and sour romance of her own. But she had been wrong.
"I... am not the protagonist..."
She wasn't the heroine. She was the rival. The one who couldn't make the boy she liked happy. The one who was making him suffer. Her head ached. Her chest felt tight. Hinako slowly lay down on the floor.
"Ojou-sama?"
Shizune-san, who had been working, called out to her. She must have thought Hinako had just fallen asleep—but when she saw her pained expression, her face changed.
◆
I was just finishing my bath when I heard Shizune-san's scream. I threw on my clothes and burst out of the bathroom.
"Shizune-san! What's wrong with Hinako?!"
Hinako was lying in the middle of the room, her face contorted in pain. It was obvious something was wrong. Sweat beaded on her forehead.
"...She has a fever. It's been a long time."
Water dripped from her still-damp hair. A psychogenic fever. Hinako used to get them periodically from the stress of playing the "perfect ojou-sama." But she'd been under so much less stress lately that she hadn't had one in ages. I guess I'd let my guard down. Seeing Hinako mumbling deliriously, I panicked.
"Wh-Why...?"
"Considering the past, it must be stress-induced,"
Shizune-san said, her face grim.
"There are many possible causes. This unfamiliar environment, new people, and..."
Shizune-san's eyes flicked to me. But she quickly looked back to check Hinako's condition.
"H-Have you called a doctor?"
"Yes. The doctor on standby at the mansion should be here soon."
Shizune-san placed a cool, damp towel on Hinako's forehead. On the table sat an opened packet of fever reducer and a glass of water. Only a few minutes had passed since I'd heard her scream, but she'd already done all this.
"I'll wait outside for the doctor!"
I wanted to see him the second he arrived, so I ran outside. The alleys here were a maze; he could easily drive past. But honestly, that wasn't the real reason. I just... needed to do something for Hinako, anything. After a few minutes, a black sedan pulled up. A man in a white coat got out, and—
"Hey."
For some reason, Takuma-san was with him.
"Good thing you were outside. It's dark and easy to get lost here."
"...Takuma-san, what are you doing here?"
"I was relaxing at the mansion and saw the family doctors in a panic. I asked, they said Shizune called. So I came to see."
The doctor went inside. Takuma-san peered through the open doorway at Hinako.
"I figured she was about due for a fever."
What did that mean...? I was curious, but I was too worried to care right now. I started to follow the doctor inside.
"Hold on. Talk with me for a bit."
"Talk...?"
"Our doctors are trustworthy. You pacing around in there will only get in their way."
He was probably right. The door closed, leaving the two of us outside. A cool breeze blew between us.
"Why do you think Hinako got this fever?"
Takuma-san stared at me. Shizune-san had guessed it was stress—the new environment, new people... It might have all been too much. But I felt that wasn't it. Hinako had been so excited about this from the start. She'd wanted to stay at my old place, wanted to go sightseeing. She'd looked so happy at the beef bowl restaurant. I couldn't believe that was the source of her stress. Even with all the new experiences, she was the one who'd wanted them. But if that wasn't it, why was she in pain?
"It's you,"
Takuma-san said.
He was looking at me with an expression that said he'd seen it all.
"I told you, didn't I? As you are now, you can't be Hinako's safe harbor. Well, there you have it. You're her attendant. You have to be her safe harbor."
"Even if you say that..."
Then what should I do? What am I missing? A dozen questions swirled in my head.
"Hinako is uneasy,"
Takuma-san said.
"She's uneasy because she doesn't know which 'society' you plan to live in."
He elaborated.
"You're swinging between the commoner world you came from and the upper-class world Hinako and I live in. You can adapt to both; you're in a state where you could choose either. And that's why Hinako thinks you should be in the commoner world."
This was completely unexpected. I was "swinging" between two worlds?
"That's not..."
"Weren't you chatting happily with your old classmates right in front of Hinako? Anyone who saw that would think the same thing: 'Am I getting in his way?'"
"!"
I couldn't argue.
"You've been at Kiou for a while now, you should understand. For better or worse, people in our world live with an eye on the future. We inherit the family business, start a company, become an official, marry in, marry out... everyone has a vision. But you don't. Your future is ambiguous. Because of that, people don't know how much they can trust you. You might just disappear on a whim. We don't know... how long your life and Hinako's are going to overlap."
I was starting to understand. He wasn't talking about now, he was talking about the future. And in that case... I couldn't deny it. He was right; I hadn't given any serious thought to my future, and it left me speechless. Thanks to Shizune-san's kindness, I had a potential job at an IT company, but I hadn't even decided if I'd take it. I was interested in IT, but I hadn't decided what I wanted to be. Was that wrong?
"To us, your life is just... vague,"
Takuma-san said.
"I'm not asking you to... choose one world and abandon the other. But I don't sense any 'determination' from you. In my experience, people who are serious about their future have that resolve. Without exception."
He said it with such seriousness, I couldn't respond.
"Think about it... what you want to do, and how you want to live."
With that, he didn't get back in the car, but just walked off somewhere. I couldn't follow him or call him back. I just went inside.
The doctor must have just finished. He was in the corner, speaking with Shizune-san in hushed, serious tones. I walked over to Hinako.
"Hinako..."
"I-Itsuki...?"
I hadn't expected her to respond. She was awake. Seeing her face, damp with feverish sweat, I was overcome with a wave of anxiety I couldn't place.
"Hinako, I'm sorry. Did I... Did I make you uneasy?"
"...No. It's my fault."
Hinako denied it in a whisper.
"I'm the one... who tied you down..."
It was just as Takuma-san said. She was worried about my way of life. She'd been asking me about my past ever since the summer lecture. Now I knew why. She'd been carrying this whole time. My original life—
"If you... want to go back to your old life... I'll respect that."
Hinako said in a hoarse voice. That was the same as saying... it was okay to quit being her attendant. I shook my head instinctively.
"Hinako, no. I don't feel tied down. From now on, I'm going to be with you—"
"You can't... 'for my sake'."
Hinako weakly shook her head. Her voice was tiny and she could barely move, but her eyes were strong.
"You have to think... for your sake."
Her eyes pleaded, You have to. Just then, my phone vibrated. I was going to ignore it, but—
"You can... get it."
Hinako had noticed. I felt like I was making her worry even more. I answered the call.
"Oh, Itsuki! You're the only one who hasn't RSVP'd to the reunion!"
Crap. Hinako heard. I wasn't trying to hide it, but I still felt guilty.
"...Sorry, I'm kind of busy right now."
I was about to refuse, but Hinako shook her head.
"Go."
"But..."
"You... need to properly face your old life, too."
Hinako said, her voice halting from the fever.
"Go spend time with them again... And then... give me your answer."
◆
The next day, just after noon. In the end, I decided to do what Hinako said and go to the reunion. I took the express train to a station in central Tokyo. To save on transit fees, I'd gone to the closest high school, so I'd rarely ever left my local area. The last time I'd been to this station was for a dispatch job. I got to the ticket gates at the meeting spot and found a group of nearly ten guys and girls chatting.
"Itsuki—!! Long time no see!"
"Yeah. Long time."
My old classmates saw me and gave a small wave. I waved back and walked over.
(Yuri is here, too.)
Her family's diner kept her busy, but she'd come. Our eyes met, and she gave me a little wave.
"Alright! Everyone's here! Let's get going!"
The guy who'd organized it shouted.
"What time is the yakiniku?"
"Seven."
"Huh? Where's Taketo?"
"He's working. He can only make it for dinner. He was crying about no one covering his shift."
The main event was the all-you-can-eat yakiniku at 7 PM. The organizer had suggested that anyone free beforehand hang out, which is why I was here. Hinako had told me to come.
"So, karaoke first!"
"You're tone-deaf, you don't have to sing."
"I've been practicing! This is my comeback!"
I couldn't help but smile at their dumb conversation. That's right. This is what my old class was like. It was a totally different atmosphere from a Kiou Academy classroom. I used to be part of this. It felt like a lifetime ago.
(Adachi-san... isn't here.)
I didn't see Adachi-san in the group. Things had been awkward between us because of Takuma-san, so I was a little relieved. I still didn't know if he was right, but Shizune-san had called him "exceptionally perceptive," and Yuri had said Adachi-san "got all dolled up." It was hard to dismiss it completely. We all piled into the karaoke place.
"There are only two rooms free."
"This many people will fit. Let's just split up."
We broke into two groups and went to our rooms. I sat down on the hard bench and my thoughts drifted.
(Why does Hinako think she's 'tied me down'...?)
Her worry was completely misplaced. I was satisfied with my current life. I didn't feel "tied down" at all. I chose to be her attendant. I didn't feel like I'd "sacrificed" my old life. How could I get her to understand that? I remembered Takuma-san's words. Is it true that if I don't have a 'vision' for my future, Hinako can't feel secure?
("I want to continue being Hinako's attendant for her sake." Is that not enough of an answer?)
I wanted to stay by her side and protect her. How was that not a "vision"? But, I had a... gut feeling. That it wasn't enough. That my current answer wouldn't be enough for Hinako.
"Itsuki, you sing something, too!"
"O-Oh, right."
I pushed the thoughts from my mind. This was, frankly, my second time ever at karaoke. I barely knew how to use the machine. The last time was in middle school, when I'd been dragged along. I picked a song I vaguely remembered and put it in. The title came up on the screen.
"So old!"
"That song was popular when we were in middle school!"
I'd been working almost every day since high school started. My musical knowledge was stuck in the past.
"Alright, I'm singing this one—!"
"Ah, I know that! Wanna duet?!"
The girls got excited. The mic was passed to me. I sang in front of people for the first time in years. My voice was... average. No one had much of a reaction. I passed the mic to the next person and stood up.
"Gonna use the restroom."
"Gotcha!"
I left the room. I wasn't actually going to the restroom. I just found an empty hallway and leaned against the wall.
(Crap... I'm not really feeling this.)
If I stayed, I felt like I'd just bring the mood down. I had too much on my mind, and I didn't know any of the recent songs. It wasn't that I was bored, but I just couldn't match everyone's energy.
"Huh? Itsuki?"
Yuri came from the other end of the hall.
"Yuri? What are you doing?"
"Drink run. I lost at rock-paper-scissors."
She probably would have volunteered anyway. She was just playing along.
"Itsuki, is something on your mind?"
I must have looked pretty different from usual. Yuri was the easiest person to talk to about this. I figured I'd take the chance.
"Actually... Konohana-san isn't feeling well."
"Huh? Then why are you here? Aren't you her personal attendant?"
"...Because Konohana-san told me to come."
Yuri tilted her head, confused.
"Um... she told me I should... take time for myself, or something."
"Ohh. So you were being too clingy, and she's pushing you away?"
"Nghh..."
"Hey, hey, you don't have to be that depressed,"
Yuri said anxiously as I pressed my hands and forehead against the wall, utterly defeated. Her bluntness was a direct hit.
"I'm not... 'clingy.' But... to her, it must seem like I don't care about my own life."
This clearly wasn't about physical distance, so I just glossed over that part.
"For me, this is 'time for myself.' Given my position, working for her is natural. And I like the work. She shouldn't have to worry so much..."
Yuri knew I was Hinako's attendant... her servant. I thought she, of all people, would agree with me.
"...If you thought of Konohana-san as a normal girl your age, instead of some unreachably perfect ojou-sama, wouldn't that change things?"
"Huh..."
"She definitely has that side, you know. There are things she doesn't understand... and times she's confused about her own feelings."
Yuri said, as if she knew from experience.
"And if that's the case, then your whole attitude might be... really 'heavy'."
"'Heavy'...?"
"Yeah. That whole 'I will sacrifice everything for you!' vibe? It's too much. It sounds like you're doing it 'for her sake,' but I feel like it's just putting pressure on her."
Yuri's words hit me like a ton of bricks. I slowly processed what she'd said.
"...I see. I've been... putting pressure on her."
It was just as Yuri said. I just wanted to be helpful. But Hinako, because of how she felt about me, must have been accumulating guilt, little by little.
(Ah... I see.)
What Takuma-san said. What Hinako said. And what Yuri just said. It all clicked. I knew Hinako had a side to her that wasn't the "perfect ojou-sama." I knew she was lazy, hopeless at taking care of herself, loved potato chips, and was surprisingly clingy. I'd just thought of that as her "other side." But that wasn't it. Or rather, it wasn't just that. She was changing. Shizune-san had said it multiple times: Hinako was changing. And because she was changing, new sides of her were emerging—sides I didn't know. By walking through the towns I'd lived in and meeting the people I knew, something new had changed inside her. The old Hinako would have been fine. But to the Hinako who had changed... I was "heavy." It made her feel anxious. Because I was always "sacrificing" for her... it made her feel like she was the one tying me down.
"Get it?"
"...Yeah. I get it."
"Well, you've never been good at using time for yourself, anyway."
Yuri looked at me with a half-sympathetic expression.
"I've never been able to tell if you do things because you want to, or because you feel you have to... Maybe Konohana-san feels that same anxiety."
Yuri said, and headed for the drink bar. She'd been watching me longer than almost anyone. Her words hit hard.
(Am I doing this because I want to, or because I have to...)
Of course, I wanted to. But if someone asked me for proof, I couldn't provide any. Come to think of it, I was always like this. For Hinako, for Tennouji-san, for Narika, for Yuri... I found fulfillment by doing things for other people. I'd never actually examined my own desires. What did I want to do? Where did I want to be?
"...I have to think."
I now understood exactly why Hinako was suffering. I tossed out my shallow "I'll just keep working hard for her" answer. I had to face this seriously. My "vision" for the future... Not just for the three years of high school, but for my life after. I had to think about my future as an adult.
I went back to the room. The organizer was in the middle of passionately singing some song I didn't recognize. The party continued for another hour, and then we left the karaoke place.
"It's almost time for yakiniku!"
"Yeeaaah—!!"
The guys and girls were both totally pumped. We were led to the large table we'd reserved and took our seats.
"Man, come to think of it, I never thought I'd see the day we'd be eating yakiniku with Itsuki."
"He totally would've refused last year."
The guy sitting directly across from me and the one next to him said, laughing.
"...Sorry."
"Don't worry about it! Just eat your fill today to make up for it!"
Slices of meat quickly filled the clean grill. As I felt the heat rising from the coals, I thought of Hinako again. What was she doing? Was she resting properly?
(...What am I supposed to talk about?)
I couldn't think of any common topics, so I just stayed quiet, listening impassively to the conversations buzzing around me.
"Did you see that movie that just came out?"
"Oh, yeah, yeah! It was on the news this morning, right?"
The girls on my right were talking about movies.
"I was waiting online with my friends all yesterday."
"You're seriously always gaming."
The guys to my front-left were talking about online games. There... really wasn't a single conversation I could join.
"By the way, Itsuki, this guy finally got a girlfriend."
The guy in front of me said, eating a freshly grilled piece of meat. The guy next to him, who he was pointing at, blushed bright red.
"He was talking about wanting a girlfriend all through our first year."
"Yeah! I just went for it and confessed during the second-year school trip. Man~ I'm glad I worked up the nerve."
At least I could join in on a topic from the past. For me, getting a girlfriend was a total fantasy, but he must have worked hard on himself. I earnestly said, "Congratulations."
"Oh, right, Itsuki, did you used to work at that teppanyaki place in the shopping street?"
"Yeah, I did. Why?"
"We went there to eat a while back, and when the staff saw our uniforms, they sighed and said, 'We used to have a part-timer from your school who was a super hard worker~' We thought that might be you."
"That was probably me... If I have time, I should go say hello."
I'd passed through the shopping street a few days ago. I should have popped in then.
"Anyway, enough about us, let's talk about you!"
The guy with the new girlfriend said enthusiastically.
"Are you not working part-time anymore?"
"I still am. Though I don't know if 'part-time' is the right word... I live at my workplace now. I clean, wash dishes, and take care of someone..."
"Oh, like working at a hotel?"
"Yeah, something like that."
Now that he mentioned it, a servant's work was similar to a hotel employee's, though my job was a bit more unique.
"You're still working hard, huh. But if you're at Kiou, you must not be hurting for money like before, right?"
"...Right."
But my poor-person nature hadn't changed, so I was basically just saving it all.
"Then you must be able to go out all the time, right? Travel abroad, go to theme parks."
"Watch as many movies as you want?"
"Buy tons of clothes!"
Others who'd been listening joined in. But I just gave a wry laugh.
"No, it's not that great."
I answered, thinking back on my life until now.
"I'm busy with work and studying every day. Since summer break started, I've had a little time to come out like this, but usually, I don't go out except for work... I don't think I've gone shopping for myself in months."
Forget weekdays; even on days off, I was busy with my attendant duties and school prep. If they were asking if I had more free time than before, the answer was no. I had less. The summer lecture might have seemed like a trip, but "training camp" was a better description. Just thinking back on those classes in Karuizawa made me wince.
"O-Oh, is that so..."
"Y-You're really... intense..."
The people who'd asked all had strained smiles.
(Huh...?)
I didn't understand why their reaction was so awkward. I wasn't suffering or anything...
"Itsuki! We're hitting the arcade for round two, you in?!"
A guy sitting a little further away asked loudly. I still hadn't found the answer to give Hinako. But... strangely, I felt like if I just spent a little more time with everyone, I might find it.
"Alright, I'll go."
"Alright! Let's play Taiko no Tatsujin!"
The guys got excited. Unlike me, they could instantly think of ways to have fun.
◆
After enjoying the yakiniku to our hearts' content, we went outside and split into two groups: the after-party and the go-home crew. Yuri was in the go-home group.
"You're heading back?"
"Yeah, I'm starting to worry about the diner."
"I see..."
I felt a little sad. In response, Yuri looked at me with a teasing expression.
"What, did you want me to stay with you?"
"...Yeah."
"Huh?"
Yuri froze, dumbfounded. A second later, I realized what I'd just said.
"Ah, no, sorry. That was weird..."
"Y-You really did... I thought my heart was going to stop..."
Yuri said, blushing and clutching her chest. Maybe because we've known each other for so long, sometimes my thoughts just slip out when I'm talking to her.
"How do I put it... It's just easier when you're around..."
"What's that supposed to mean..."
Yuri said that, but she seemed to understand. She sighed.
"Whatever. I'm pretty similar."
"Similar?"
"You probably feel out of place right now, right? I feel that way sometimes, too. The diner keeps me so busy, I can't really hang out with everyone."
It seemed I wasn't the only one who felt like an outsider.
"...Are you unhappy with your life?"
"Nope. I want to be a great chef. I might not keep up with everyone's conversations, but I've accepted that as just part of the deal."
She said it with conviction. I see... She has a vision for her future. Yuri and I might be similar, but she was one step ahead. My confidence wavered... Seeing this, Yuri spoke up.
"You told me before, right? That after your parents skipped town, if you hadn't met Konohana-san, you would have come to me."
"Yeah..."
"I was really happy to hear that."
Yuri said, a bit shyly.
"So, when you need help, I'll be there for you... You're not alone. Even if you choose that lifestyle, you won't be cut off. Don't worry."
Yuri said, and turned away. Before her small back got too far, I called out.
"Yuri."
"What?"
"I probably wouldn't have survived this long without you."
"Could you not spring such intense feelings on me...?"
Yuri looked flustered.
"But, that's just... Of course! I am your big sister, after all!"
She said, and this time, she really left. I'd needed to hear that. Hearing those familiar words reassured me that my current choices weren't wrong. She was probably just being kind, sensing my thoughts. She was my reliable big sister. No matter what conclusion I reached, this was one bond I wanted to protect... I thought.
◆
The after-party group was almost all guys. I followed them to an arcade. Unlike the one back home, this place was a huge, five-story building.
"Itsuki, you suck at this—!"
"What do you want? I haven't played in ages."
We played everything from music games to racing games. When I went to the arcade with Hinako and Tennouji-san, I dominated. But with my old classmates, the roles were reversed. I lost almost every match, only managing a draw in games of pure luck. Almost everyone, unlike me, was very familiar with these games. As I realized this, I felt a sharp sense of alienation...
(...It's okay. I'm not alone.)
I remembered Yuri's words. This feeling of being an outsider had been shaking my confidence, but now, I could face what Hinako said more calmly. Living a different life isn't a bad thing. The problem was that it required resolve. And both Takuma-san and Hinako had seen that I lacked it.
"Whoa, I'm sweating."
"Me too."
"Let's take a break."
I sat on a bench near the vending machines with two of the guys. We'd gotten pretty heated playing air hockey. It had been a long time since I'd gotten that into a game.
"Here, Itsuki. My treat."
"Oh... thanks."
I took the sports drink and drank it. The guy watched me.
"You've changed."
"...I get that a lot. That my posture's better."
"No, not your appearance. Honestly, you're easier to talk to now."
I tilted my head, confused, and he continued.
"Before, if someone bought you a drink, you'd thank them like they'd saved your life. It wasn't bad, but it was hard to respond to."
"Ngh... Sorry."
Unlike with Yuri, who I was used to, I'd always been over-the-top grateful when others treated me. I was probably like that with Yuri at first, too.
"Itsuki, we're hanging out tomorrow, too. You in?"
"...Sorry, I have plans. I have to study."
"Study?"
"School's starting. I want to review and prep... The classes at Kiou are tough. If I don't, I'll fall behind."
I expected them to get awkward again. But this time was different.
"You seem... happy."
The guy said, looking at me with a sense of relief. His unexpected reaction made me tilt my head.
"Happy?"
"Yeah. You wouldn't be able to work that hard if you weren't happy, right?"
"...Yeah. I am."
His logic was perfectly sound. Yes, I was happy with my life at Kiou Academy... That was undeniable.
"...It was tough at first, though. The teachers' words sounded like magic spells, the pace was insane. I just had to study like crazy."
Before I knew it, I was talking, reliving my time at Kiou.
"But more than the difficulty, what shocked me was that everyone else was working hard as a matter of course. I thought I was just struggling because I wasn't smart, but... at Kiou, everyone works hard, smart or not."
Of course, there was still a talent gap. But seeing Hinako and the others, I realized that wasn't the point. The real difference was... awareness. Everyone at Kiou had the will to charge into their futures.
"So, I... want to be like them—"
I stopped, mid-sentence.
(...Ah.)
The words had almost slipped out. Words I had refused to even acknowledge in my own mind. Ah, I see. It's not that complicated. This is... my answer.
"Itsuki?"
"...No, it's nothing."
I shook my head, "Don't worry about it."
"Sorry. I'm easier to talk to, but I'm still hard to hang out with."
"Yeah. But, live your life with no regrets."
My friend must have noticed the alienation I'd been feeling. I was always meeting good people... I thought once again.
"Alright, time for my revenge."
"Oh, fired up, are we? Bring it on."
We finished our break and dove back into the games. I'd found my answer, so I could have left. But I wanted to enjoy this day to the fullest. It would probably be a long time before I could hang out with them again. They were good people, and I valued this connection, but we wouldn't be seeing more of each other. After all... I had found where I belonged.
◆
"Hinako!"
The moment I got home and closed the door, I called her name. Then I immediately remembered—she was sick in bed.
"S-Sorry, I was too loud."
"Mmm... I'm awake. It's fine."
Hinako, lying in her futon, slowly turned toward me.
"Huh? Where's Shizune-san?"
"Shopping... She said she was going to buy something good for a fever."
Now that she mentioned it, I hadn't seen Shizune-san's shoes at the entrance. She must have been nursing Hinako until she was stable, then stepped out. There was a towel by the pillow. Hinako looked like she'd been resting. Her color was much better than when I'd left. She used to get sick often before I became her attendant, so Shizune-san was used to this, and Hinako was used to resting.
"Did you find your answer?"
"...Yeah."
She must have sensed why I'd rushed in. Trying not to overwhelm her, I spoke calmly.
"I saw my old classmates at the reunion today."
What had I seen and heard? I carefully recounted the details.
"I heard them talk about... movies, eating out... It's normal, but they're all hanging out a lot. At karaoke, everyone but me knew the new songs. At the arcade, everyone was better than me... They've probably done it all a lot."
Hinako's expression clouded over. She must be thinking she'd stolen that life from me. And in truth, watching them, I'd thought: That's one way to live. It's probably a happy life.
"...But I wasn't jealous."
Hinako's eyes widened.
"Because I'm... happy with my life now."
"...Happy?"
"Yeah."
She questioned it, and I nodded firmly.
"I feel fulfilled. Just like they're doing what they want to do, I'm doing what I want to do."
Realizing this was crucial. If I were only with Hinako out of obligation, I would have been jealous. But my heart felt nothing of the sort. —It wasn't out of obligation. Me, talking to Hinako right now, was not an obligation. Being an attendant, being at Kiou Academy, studying hard, working hard—none of it was an obligation.
"When I met you... I was moved."
Why was I happy? I began to explain.
"Coming to Kiou, meeting people like you... I was genuinely moved by how you all live. You all shoulder these huge responsibilities and work hard to live up to them. I... I came to admire that way of life."
I thought of my classmates. Asahi-san and Taisho, too. They were friendly, but they were true Kiou students, thinking seriously about their futures. I was surrounded by incredible people.
"So, before I knew it... I wanted to be like that, too."
It felt natural. When you're surrounded by people striving so hard, of course you're influenced.
"At first, I was doing it for you. But not anymore... Now, I'm doing it for me. I simply want to grow, to stand beside everyone."
My effort was voluntary. I wasn't being forced by anyone or any circumstance. That's why I was happy. I was doing what I wanted.
"I still don't know exactly what I'll do... but I have a clear goal."
It wasn't a new decision. It was something I'd subconsciously decided long ago. I had a goal—
"I want to be a person who can shoulder responsibility. Like you. Like Tennouji-san. Like Narika..."
Or like Kagen-san. Yuri, too. She was going to be a chef, take over her family's diner, and build it into a chain. I respected that ambition. It wasn't just admiration. It was my goal. I wanted to live like them.
"And for that, I'm okay with not living the same life as my friends from today... I want to live in your world."
I wasn't "tied down" by Hinako. I was living in this world by my own choice. I poured all these feelings into my words.
"...Thank goodness."
Hinako said, tears welling in her eyes.
"You're not... leaving... Thank goodness."
She smiled, overcome with pure relief. As she cried, I gently stroked her head.

◆
Hinako felt Itsuki's hand on her head and thought back on the last few days. Was I making him suffer?... That fear had grown stronger and stronger as her feelings for him did. She'd been too scared to confirm it, but the anxiety had become too much. She'd worked up the courage to ask... to ask what he truly wanted.
(Thank goodness...)
She felt an honest wave of relief. He had stroked her head so many times, carried her, eaten with her, bathed with her... It was all because he'd wanted to. She hadn't made him unhappy.
(I... can keep loving Itsuki...)
That confidence was the greatest joy of all.
(Then I don't have to hold back... I'll be braver from now on...)
She wasn't sure what she'd do, but she could figure that out later. Itsuki's hand in her hair felt so good. He probably didn't have a single romantic thought in his head while doing it, which was a little complicated... but maybe her first step should be to change that. And she had to answer Yuri's declaration of rivalry. She didn't have to be afraid of it anymore. It was time for war. The feeling of his hand on her head gently melted her new-found fighting spirit. Just for today... it was okay to relax. For the first time in days, Hinako fell into a peaceful sleep.
◆
A little while after Hinako drifted off, Shizune-san returned. Hinako was sleeping sweetly, but it was too early for us. Not wanting to wake her, I studied quietly while Shizune-san went back to her work. Just then, a knock came from the door.
(A knock...? But there's a doorbell.)
I looked through the peephole.
"Takuma-san?"
A familiar figure was standing outside.
"Is it Waka-sama?"
"Yeah. I'll be right back."
I slipped on my shoes and went out. I had a feeling... he was here for me, not Hinako or Shizune-san.
"Hey, Itsuki-kun. Sorry to bother you this late."
I had no idea why he was here, but I gave a small nod. Takuma-san looked at my face and smiled.
"From the look on your face, it seems you're ready to be Hinako's safe harbor now."
"...You really know everything, don't you."
"Hahaha. It's why people often call me creepy."
He'd grasped the entire situation just from my expression. To be honest, "creepy" wasn't far off.
"Let's talk."
He said, and started walking. I fell in step beside him and asked.
"Did you knock... for Hinako's sake?"
"Of course. I'd feel bad if I woke her."
"You really worry about her."
"Despite everything, I am her brother. It's only natural, isn't it?"
Takuma-san said, and I felt a wave of relief. From what Hinako and Shizune-san said, he was terrifying in all sorts of ways... but maybe he was more normal and kind than I thought.
"So, what did you say to reassure her?"
That was the real topic. I told him what I'd just told Hinako.
"Oh... So you want to be a person who shoulders responsibility."
He nodded, listening.
"I know it's a vague vision... but for me, it's enough to decide this is where I'll live."
"No, that's enough. It'd be more suspicious if you did have a concrete plan right after I cornered you. A future dream isn't found that easily, is it?"
(You're the one who cornered me...)
I rationally suppressed the complaint.
"But there's more, isn't there?"
Takuma-san said, clearly enjoying this.
"You've already found a more concrete dream, haven't you?"
His perception was as sharp as ever. It was impossible to hide anything from him.
"...It's just one path I'm considering."
I told him the resolve I hadn't even shared with Hinako.
"If possible... I want to become a director of the Konohana Group."
It was the wish I'd found while searching for my answer. What kind of person do I want to be? I'd thought of Hinako and the others at Kiou, living their noble lives. And what do I want to do? I'd thought of the adults... Kagen-san, the Tennouji and Miyakojima parents, people who were shouldering responsibility. When I thought of that, I imagined the person I should become.
"Pfft, Ahahahaha! Now that's ambitious!"
Takuma-san burst out laughing. His voice echoed in the quiet night street.
"...Please don't laugh. This is why I didn't want to say it."
"I'm laughing because you lack the power to back it up."
He was right. For me to say that now was just laughable. It was obvious. One day—I had to become a person who could say that and be taken seriously.
"Well, I'll acknowledge your courage for saying it to my face. As a reward, I'll tell you the details."
"The details?"
"Of the Konohana Group scandal. If you want to be a director, this will be useful."
He looked at me seriously.
"The reason I was sent to the mansion... is because Dad and I disagreed on how to handle this."
He began to explain.
"I'm the one who leaked the power harassment story at the subsidiary."
I... hadn't known that. It had all started with him.
"Konohana Beverages was a company we acquired six months ago. But, to be honest, they've had a culture of harassment for a long time. They managed to hide it during the acquisition, but I saw the employees' faces and knew it wasn't fixed."
He had an uncanny natural perception. For Takuma-san, reading a corporate climate from employees' faces must have been easy.
"So, I leaked it to the media to start a firestorm. It would fix Konohana Beverages and also serve as a warning to other harassers... But Dad shut it down before it went public. To protect the Konohana Group's brand."
Takuma-san's logic made sense. But to me, Kagen-san's judgment seemed more correct. Takuma-san's method was too radical. Kagen-san must have judged the cost to be too high.
"I've been arguing with Dad at the mansion for days. In the end, I lost on the basis of profit. But I still think my way was for the best."
"For the best..."
I repeated, and he stared straight at me. His gaze pinned me. I hesitated for a second, wondering if it was my place to comment, but since he'd told me, I figured I'd use my right to an opinion.
"...If the Konohana brand is damaged, wouldn't employees' livelihoods be at risk?"
Wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose?
"A necessary sacrifice."
Takuma-san said dismissively, as if to say, What's the problem?
"I think it would be better if the Konohana Group was destroyed once."
I didn't understand what he meant. Destroyed? What was he talking about?
"Our group's history is too long. There's 'poison' everywhere. It needs destruction and rebirth... Without the resolve to temporarily devalue the brand, you can't have radical reform. That's where Dad and I disagree."
I understood his point. But it felt... too extreme. Maybe it was just my commoner background... I didn't know enough about business to imagine it. Takuma-san must have sensed my thoughts.
"You've wondered, haven't you? Why Hinako has to suffer so much?"
I had. I'd thought about it from the very beginning. Why did she have to go through all that?
"The Konohana bloodline is... eccentric. Hinako is lazy, I'm self-centered. For a family of weirdos to run a group this massive, we have to trim the excess. But Dad doesn't want to. That's why the burden on Hinako is so heavy. Dad is bad at 'cleaning house'."
"...But even with this scandal, Kagen-san will manage the group properly, right?"
"He's pushing himself. He has been ever since Mom died."
Takuma-san said, looking down slightly. He was probably just worried about his family. And yet, I felt a strange... dissonance.
"...Is this what Hinako wants?"
I knew Hinako hated him, but did she agree with his ideas? I was curious, so I asked. Takuma-san thought for a second.
"I don't know. To be honest, you're the first person I've explained my vision to."
"Huh... Really?"
"Yeah. So I don't know if Hinako would agree."
He said it so casually.
"Wait a minute."
I couldn't understand his nonchalance.
"You haven't even talked to Hinako... but you're planning reforms that will affect her life?"
I asked, dreading the answer. But he replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Yes. Because it will make life easier for Hinako."
When I heard that, I finally got it. ...I see. I finally understood what had felt so 'off' about him. When he knocked instead of using the doorbell, I'd thought he cared about his family. But I was wrong. Just as Hinako had said at the mansion: he only thinks of himself.
This man... is only concerned with himself being concerned about his family. He doesn't treasure his family. His feelings about the Konohana Group were probably the same. What was important was his judgment.
The feelings of the people who rely on it were secondary... The harassed employees probably didn't want their solution to be so public. But he didn't care. That's why he could talk about "destruction and rebirth" so casually. And I could guess why...
He has unshakable confidence that his judgment is correct. That ability to see what others can't... it shaped him. And in a way, it was true. Because of his methods, I would... Hinako would...
"You're making the same face Dad does."
Takuma-san said, looking at me. His tone was flat, with no expectation or disappointment.
"Well, if you can find a different way, that's fine too."
"...What do you mean?"
"I'm just choosing the most 'correct' option available right now. But if your struggles change the situation, maybe other options will appear."
He was implying his choice was superior to Kagen-san's. Takuma-san was objective. His attitude was arrogant, but his words were fair. His confidence was based on calculation, not ego. But he hadn't factored 'our feelings' into his calculation.
"If you don't like my choice—you'll just have to find another one."
He told me, with a fearless, untamed smile. I felt a chilling wind blow past me. I broke out in goosebumps, forced to realize just how small I was. The only word for it was 'majesty'. I felt his overwhelming, unstoppable presence.

"But, if you're serious about becoming a director in our family... you'd better build a track record in school. As you are now, you're not even qualified to get in the ring."
Takuma-san tapped his chin, thinking. The crushing pressure from a moment ago was gone. Cold sweat dripped from my cheek to the ground.
"Student council would be ideal. But it's all about family background. Forget your ability, your cover would be blown... And, you'll have to win the 'Management Tournament'."
"Management... Tournament?"
"It's a... unique class. The details... I'll intentionally keep them from you."
As I puzzled over the term I'd never heard, Takuma-san smiled.
"You don't know yet, do you—Kiou Academy really begins in the second semester of second year."
◆
A few days later, I would find out exactly what he meant. The midpoint of high school life: second year, second semester. A massive, academy-wide event was about to begin at Kiou Academy.
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