Fellow Losers Chapter 1

Fellow Losers

I, Amou Watanuki, and Karen Suzaki are childhood friends who have known each other since birth. I heard that our fathers were high school classmates, and by chance, they bought houses close to each other, which sparked a relationship between our entire families.

Although there seemed to be a gap in our family incomes, Mr. and Mrs. Suzaki didn't show off about it, and they were good people who treated me kindly.

Our two families became exceptionally close, largely due to the coincidence that Karen and I were born in the same year. We were even born in the same hospital, and the interaction between our families quickly deepened. Nowadays, casually visiting each other's homes has become a matter of course... To me now, Karen feels even closer than my own older sister, who is four years my senior....

In such an everyday life, I naturally began to be conscious of Karen as a girl.

"Akkun, when we grow up, you have to marry Karen, okay?"

Probably since before I even fully understood what the word "marriage" meant, Karen used to say this often.

At that time, my understanding of the word "marriage" was just a vague idea that it was "something a boy and a girl who get along well do," so I would always nod, my heart pounding.

A girl like Karen Suzaki was universally recognized as cute wherever she went. While my feelings for her definitely gave me a biased perspective, even putting that aside, her looks, voice, and mannerisms constantly attracted the guys around her, which made me quite anxious.

However, I thought I was a special existence to Karen too... probably.

"Akkun, let's walk to school together?"

"Hehe, you're really reliable, Akkun. I love you the most."

"It's getting cold, isn't it? But Akkun is holding my hand, so it's very warm."

Every morning we would meet on the way to school, and we always studied for exams and did our summer homework together. Whenever the cold season arrived, she would always take the initiative to hold my hand.

Probably, to Karen, I was also a special childhood friend... It even made me wonder if maybe... or something like that. On that day, the day of our junior high school graduation, I gathered my courage and confessed my feelings to her.

"Karen, even though I'm like this... um... if it's alright with you, would you go out with me? Uh, I mean, as lovers... Ah, sorry. I'm a mess."

"Not at all, that's just like you, Akkun, and I love that about you. Please take care of me from now on."

I had conveyed my feelings so nervously that my words were a jumbled mess, yet she accepted them with a smile.

I've heard that sometimes, love is described in terms of winning and losing, like a competition. This is especially true for first loves.

Winning your first love. Losing your first love. Since I used to play competitive sports with clear winners and losers, I couldn't help but care about that phrase no matter what.

I had won my first love. I was finally able to date Karen, the girl I had always liked!

Of course, I was so happy at the time that I almost jumped for joy, and precisely because of that, I also braced myself.

My life had by no means been smooth sailing, nor was it without regrets and setbacks.

But, if I could date Karen and see a future together, nothing could be better than that.

To ensure she absolutely wouldn't regret choosing me, I was going to treat her with even more devotion than before and make her happy!!

...I truly thought so from the bottom of my heart.

"Akkun, I love you the most."

Ah, I also love you the mo—

"Nn, ahh! That's amazing, it feels so good...! Souichi...!!"

—Or so it should have been.

One month into high school, and not even two months since we started dating.

Karen, who was supposed to have accepted my confession, was allowing another man to do things to her that even I hadn't done.

"Haah, Haah... I love you the most, Karen...!!"

"Nn, ahhh...! I'm so happy... mmm!"

Sweet words of love were whispered to her by a man who wasn't me, causing her face to melt in ecstasy.

That womanly expression could not be seen as belonging to the kind of childhood friend relationship that people would tease as being like siblings.

Forced to witness that scene, I finally understood.

Karen had already been stolen away.

My first love, without a doubt, had been defeated and died... hasn't it.

◇

"...I see. So that's the kind of relationship you two had."

Sitting on the floor of the roof and listening to my story, she nodded with a bit of concern.

It hadn't even been ten minutes since I witnessed that agonizing scene of infidelity, and I had been dragged all the way up here by her.

Why she was there, why she slapped that guy, and why she brought me here... to be honest, I completely didn't understand.

It's just that, immediately after being brought here, she questioned me with a sharp glare, "What is your relationship with that girl?", and I, already mentally and physically exhausted, had no strength left to resist.

I felt incredibly pathetic as a man. But then again, having had my beloved girlfriend stolen away, I probably didn't have the slightest right to talk about manliness anymore.

"Um, you are...?"

"I'm Sachika Mamiya, Amou Watanuki-kun."

"Eh... you know my name?"

"Yeah. Just by chance, I only know your name."

Unlike my posture of sitting with my back leaning against the fence, she stood with her back straight, facing the outside of the fence.

Her sharp gaze, slender figure, and dignified stance—when facing this seemingly very tough girl, it somehow felt like I was being interrogated.

"Mamiya, why did you bring me here?"

"I could have just left you there, but I felt that would be too cruel. You and... it's Suzaki-san, right? I don't know the specifics of your relationship, but judging from your expression, I can imagine you two definitely had a special connection."

"Y-Yeah..."

Anger seeped through her flat and crisp words, making me involuntarily feel like I was the one being blamed.

Had I done something to her? I recognized her face, but didn't know her name; that was the extent of our relationship. It had been a month since we started school, and if we'd had any point of contact, I should have remembered.

If that wasn't it... was she referring to what just happened? Karen was embracing another man. She was already several steps ahead on the stairway to adulthood. Yet, as her boyfriend, my legs just gave out from shock; I didn't step in to stop them and could only watch helplessly... Did she think I was a coward because of that?

...For some reason, I started getting irritated. I knew I was just lashing out. But why, in this situation, did I have to be the one taking the blame?

Such thoughts welled up, thrashing about messily in my mind, and swelled up in the blink of an eye—unable to hold back any longer, I opened my mouth.

"Look, Mamiya. You understand the situation, right? From your perspective, I guess it can't be helped that you think I'm a pathetic loser. Seeing her hugging another guy, I didn't rush in to punch that cheating bastard, I just stared blankly, and now I've been dragged to a place like this, taking my frustration out on a girl like you despite being a guy! Getting asked a few questions and then rambling on about my own issues, throwing a tantrum—even I think I don't have a shred of masculinity. I'm just a petty, clingy, slimy bastard! But why do I have to be treated with such a terrible attitude by you, who just happened to be there?! You haven't even looked me in the eye since we got here. If you think I'm boring and look down on me, then just leave me alone! I'm sorry for being lame, but I absolutely do not have the spare energy to cater to your mood right now. I don't know what to do... Should I blame Karen, or should I blame myself...? My head is a complete mess. What to do after this, about tomorrow, about how to get home—I don't know anything anymore...!"

Once the dam broke, my negative emotions overflowed uncontrollably. But the more I poured them out, the more depressed I felt.

I knew it. I was just taking my anger out on her. Thinking that Mamiya was mad at me was nothing more than a persecution complex.

Blaming Mamiya wouldn't solve any problems. I didn't have the slightest justification to blame her... I understood that much.

However, like a fool, and in the worst way possible, I could only lash out at everything around me.

I had arbitrarily thrown harsh words at Mamiya, even going so far as to think, "Her being here is just wrong." That was how awful I had become.

I didn't have the guts to storm into that cheating scene and confront Karen and that guy, yet I took my anger out on Mamiya knowing full well it wouldn't solve anything... I was absolutely the worst. I was starting to hate myself more and more.

"Since I was old enough to understand, I always... liked her... I gathered my courage, confessed, and we finally started dating... But, why did it turn out like this..."

Like my brakes had completely broken, I couldn't control myself.

I needed to apologize to Mamiya right now. Even though I didn't understand her intentions at all, that was no excuse for me to unilaterally vent like this.

Despite knowing this, I was only wrapped up in my own panic. At this rate, it would be only natural for me to be abandoned—I accepted this fact in a self-righteous manner.

"...Eh?"

Something cloth-like touched my cheek.

I couldn't help but look up, only to see Mamiya, her lips pressed tightly together, pressing a handkerchief against my cheek.

"Uh... um."

After meeting my eyes, Mamiya awkwardly averted her gaze—and sat down in the seiza position right on the spot.

"Ma-Mamiya...?"

"...I am extremely sorry."

"Mamiya!?"

Just as I thought she was sitting down formally, she immediately bowed her head all the way down—I-Isn't this a dogeza!?

Faced with this sudden dogeza, I felt the blood that had rushed to my head rapidly drain away.

"W-Wait a minute, raise your head! Mamiya, you have absolutely no reason to apologize for anything!?"

"But, didn't you just say I was giving off a hostile vibe and avoiding eye contact?"

"I definitely did say that, yes!"

I was genuinely scared, actually... but even so, generally speaking, it was my fault.

The impact of her getting down on her hands and knees was huge enough to make me realize this so clearly. After all, it was my first time seeing someone apologize with a dogeza in person. Moreover, the other person was a classmate, a girl, and not to mention Mamiya-san, who had a cool, aloof aura that made me think she would never apologize to anyone—though that was my own unwarranted impression—actually did it. That forced me to calm down!

"I'm the one who should be saying sorry...! Mamiya-san, you did absolutely nothing wrong. The things I said, I was just taking my anger out on you, um..."

"...It's not that I did absolutely nothing wrong."

"No, like I said, that was just in the heat of the moment—"

"Souichi Shibaki."

"!!"

Hearing that name, my shoulders involuntarily jumped.

Because that was... the name of the man who was embracing Karen.

Souichi Shibaki. I already knew of him.

He was a famous national-level tennis player among our peers. He had a great physique, and it was said he was nearly 180 centimeters tall when he entered high school. Compared to someone like me, who barely reached 160 centimeters even after persistently drinking milk every day, you could say he was much more manly.

Seeing my reaction, Mamiya-san guiltily lowered her eyes... and then, as if forcing the words out, she continued.

"Because, I am an involved party with him."

He and Mamiya were connected...? I somehow felt that way of putting it was a bit strange.

There was probably some reason worth deliberately keeping me in suspense for. Even to the extent that it required a dogeza apology—.

"I'm his fiancée."

......Eh?

"I, am his fiancée."

"Fi-Fiancée!?"

That word was completely unexpected!

An engagement, as the name suggests, is a relationship where two people promise to marry... I-It should be something like that. Although I had seen this kind of setup in manga or TV dramas, I never thought there would actually be someone with such a relationship among my classmates.

Wait a minute...? If that's the case, could it mean....

"Th-Then that means, you were also cheated on, Mamiya...?"

"You could say that."

"Ugh... I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!!"

"Watanuki-kun!?"

This time it was my turn to get on the ground. No, while Mamiya's dogeza was an unnecessary one, mine was an absolutely genuine, authentic dogeza born entirely from my own fault.

Mamiya and Shibaki-kun were engaged. That was probably a much deeper bond than just simply dating, which meant the pain of being betrayed would run even deeper—yet I had unilaterally and selfishly vented all my frustrations out on her.

"I am truly sorry...! Although I feel like no amount of apologizing will ever make up for it...!"

"I-It's fine. You don't need to apologize! So, raise your head!?"

Mamiya hurriedly told me to raise my head. To be honest, I completely lacked the face to look up, but if apologizing was only going to put Mamiya in a tough spot and lose its actual meaning, I decided to raise my head for the time being.

"I call him my fiancé, but it's only in name. It was decided arbitrarily by our parents... You could say we're childhood friends, but it's not a bittersweet relationship like yours. So, even seeing that kind of scene, I don't feel much of anything..."

"...That's a lie, isn't it?"

"It's true. Why would I lie..."

"But Mamiya, weren't you crying?"

"!"

Ah, the calmer I got, the more I hated my own selfishness.

I should have seen it. Even though it was just from behind, I saw the way Mamiya was crying as she walked while holding my hand. She was hurt by seeing that too, yet she suppressed her own pain and was still considerate of me being there.

Yet, I hadn't noticed any of that at all, completely caught up in throwing a selfish tantrum... I really was the worst. Just getting on my knees to apologize wasn't nearly enough.

"I'm really sorry. I was only thinking about myself, and didn't even..."

"You misunderstood. I couldn't help but cry because I felt so pathetic about myself."

"...What do you mean?"

"If I had fulfilled my duties as a fiancée better and kept him firmly tied down, that wouldn't have happened. Being negligent in managing my fiancé, I hold some responsibility too, right?"

"No, if you put it that way..."

"...That's true. However......"

Mamiya's voice trailed off, stopping mid-sentence, and she fell silent with a deep sigh.

The atmosphere was incredibly awkward. The only thing that could be considered a solace was perhaps that because I felt so guilty towards Mamiya, the shock of witnessing the cheating scene was somewhat alleviated (or rather, numbed).

Still, letting her stay depressed like this wouldn't do any good. In that case, I might as well—.

"...Alright! Then, this time it's your turn to yell at me, Mamiya!"

"Why did it turn into this!?"

"Because, I just did the same thing, so it wouldn't be fair if I didn't let you vent at me too. Besides, pouring everything out might make you feel at least a little better."

"Far from feeling better, I felt like you were breaking apart even more just now..."

"No, well... yeah, you're right..."

It was true; the more I talked, the more depressed I felt...

"But, keeping it all bottled up inside will only hurt... I might not be able to handle it, but maybe you're the type who feels refreshed after letting it out, Mamiya!"

"You just want me to take my anger out on you so you can feel a bit relieved yourself, don't you?"

"Um... I can't completely deny that..."

Being called out like that, the truth was I couldn't entirely deny it.

"...You're quite honest, aren't you."

"Right now, I don't have the spare energy to lie. But, I'm sorry. I really don't know what the right answer is either, I'm just causing you trouble, Mamiya..."

"Actually... I feel like I managed to hold onto myself precisely because you took your anger out on me. ...Although even I think that's a bit of a weird thought."

Mamiya smiled wryly, and I ended up smiling along with her.

It was obvious that we were both forcing our smiles. But putting on a gloomy expression would only make the other worry more. We must have both been thinking the same thing, so we gradually, little by little, began to exaggerate it on purpose—.

"Hahahahahaha!!"

"Ahahahaha!!"

As if pushed from behind by something, we let out foolish, exaggerated bursts of laughter.

Our sides ached as if they were going to split, breathing became difficult, and our heads started to throb a bit... but strangely enough, as we kept doing it, a bizarre sense of exhilaration washed over us. It was mysterious.

So, regardless, we just kept laughing with each other. Forgetting the cause, forgetting the pleasantries, we just laughed blindly for the sake of laughing.

If anyone had seen us from the sidelines, they would probably have backed away, thinking, "Those two have completely lost it." And in fact, I had, and probably Mamiya had too; we were truly broken.

Forced to witness such a shocking event, branded with a hopeless sense of defeat, and having seen an expression on our precious partners' faces—those who had always been by our sides—that we had never seen before.

However, even though we were broken, the fact that we could stop at the level of "almost making people back away" was undoubtedly because she was right there in front of me.

"Phew—... I'm exhausted..."

"Yeah, honestly... that's the hardest I've laughed in my entire life..."

Feeling a burning sting at the corners of my mouth, I collapsed onto the roof. Laughing was surprisingly energy-consuming.

In reality, it probably hadn't even been thirty minutes... However, my mood was much better compared to the beginning. I'd probably remember it again later and get depressed, but at least for now, I felt like I could make it home.

"......"

Mamiya lay there, gazing up at the sky.

Her back was turned to me, so I couldn't see her expression.

I wondered if I should say something... but decided against it. I didn't have any particular excuse to speak, and sometimes people just want to be left alone in peace.

Just as I was thinking that and relaxing once again—suddenly, Mamiya bolted upright.

"Oh, right... at a time like this, we should...! Watanuki-kun!"

"Eh? Wh-What's wrong?"

"You told me earlier, right? I can let out any complaints or dissatisfaction."

"Eh... ah, yeah. I did. I said that."

"What's with that subtle reaction?"

"I don't think I made a subtle reaction... But, I do still remember. The fact that I said terrible things to you won't change, Mamiya, so bring it on with all you've got!"

"Hehe, I'm kidding. I was just joking earlier."

Mamiya laughed cheerfully, covering her mouth.

It seems I was being teased. But it didn't really matter.

"It's just that, I really do want to scream and shout a bit... Could you keep me company for a little while?"

"Keep you company? To where...?"

"To a place where it's okay to scream as loud as we want!"

Saying this with a skip in her step, Mamiya stood up nimbly. Then, turning toward me as I still sat on the ground, she didn't forcibly grab me this time, but instead reached her hand straight out to me.

◇

Changing my shoes at the shoe lockers, I stepped outside the school. Although I had been on high alert the whole time, I thankfully didn't run into Karen and the others, which was a relief.

I didn't check to see if Karen's shoes were still there. Whether they were or not, I'd just end up thinking the worst and getting depressed anyway.

However, even if I managed to lighten my mood a bit and escape from reality like this, it wouldn't solve a single problem. In the end, I'm just a weak person. Towards Karen, and Shibaki...-kun... No, at the very least, I should be able to drop the honorific in my own head.

Even if I saw Shibaki, I wouldn't know what to say or how to say it.

Anyway, for now, I just wanted time to sort out my feelings... For probably the first time in my life, I was avoiding Karen.

"So, where is this place where it's okay to scream? A karaoke box or something?"

"I would never do something so delinquent-like."

"......"

I don't think only delinquents go to karaoke... Although there's a warning not to step out of bounds as a student, our high school doesn't strictly prohibit stopping by places after school.

While I chased after Mamiya, who was walking ahead with large strides... before I knew it, we had arrived at the station, and before I knew it again, we were swaying on a train.

"Hey, where exactly are we going...!?"

"It's fine. I think we'll be able to get back properly before dinner. Though I don't know where your house is, Watanuki-kun... If you hate the idea, should we turn back?"

"...Let's go. I'm genuinely a bit curious about where a girl who calls karaoke 'delinquent' wants to take me."

"Then until we arrive, it's recreation time."

"Understood..."

Stifling a sigh, I nodded.

As the train swayed, Mamiya gazed out the window at the scenery with a seemingly excited expression. Most students nowadays would be fiddling with their phones in a situation like this, but she showed absolutely no sign of doing so.

(Looking closely, she really is a super beauty...)

I stared blankly at her, thinking this once again.

Thinking back carefully, I feel like a few friends had mentioned her name before.

Sachika Mamiya. Things like her having a mature allure unbefitting a high schooler, or the elegant aura of a genuine rich young lady, and so on.

I had Karen at the time, and that kind of talk mostly went in one ear and out the other...

(She doesn't seem that unapproachable, and she's beautiful, so why did Shibaki cheat on her?)

I couldn't help but ponder such things.

Of course, Karen is also cute. Even without the childhood friend or boyfriend filter, I genuinely think she's cute. Although she's a different type from Mamiya... No, physical appearances shouldn't be compared in the first place.

However, perhaps because I had absolutely no feelings for any girl other than Karen, I completely couldn't understand Shibaki's mindset of making a move on Karen when he already had a fiancée like Mamiya.

...Well, the outcome is what it is, so the reasons don't really matter anymore.

Even if Shibaki and Karen had unavoidable circumstances, whether we could accept them is a completely different story.

"What is it? You've been staring at my face."

"Ah, nothing... I was just wondering if you ever look at your phone, Mamiya."

I couldn't exactly say what I had just been thinking out loud.

But trying to gloss over it felt like it would only raise suspicions, so in my panic, I blurted out something I had been wondering about earlier.

At my question, Mamiya gave a slight snort, as if looking down on me a bit.

"If I happened to receive an excuse or something, it would be annoying, right? Though it's also infuriating not to receive anything. So, I turned it off before leaving the school."

"Ah..."

I get it. I get it completely.

Although I hadn't consciously realized it myself, hearing her say that made me realize that my subconscious avoidance of my phone was probably for the exact same reason—I was avoiding Karen.

"Besides, I'm a little excited."

"Excited?"

"Because this is my first time taking a detour like this. So it feels very fresh... Well, it doesn't change the fact that today has been a terrible day, though."

"That's... true..."

""......""

If we weren't careful, we'd both end up getting depressed together.

Even though I didn't want to think about it, I couldn't help but wonder what Karen and Shibaki were doing right now... and my mood would plummet.

For instance, if they had completely forgotten about us and were doing things even further along than what we just saw... Ugh, I want to throw up...

"Ah, I'm getting off at the next station!"

"O-Okay."

It seems we finally reached our destination station before I could completely sink into depression.

Saved... But, is this really going to be okay?

My emotions were fluctuating wildly, rising and falling like an electrocardiogram line. No, it was probably just because the baseline was ridiculously low, so it felt like it was rising, but it was just an illusion.

Facing a situation where I couldn't even imagine what I would be like a few minutes from now, I once again felt uneasy.

◇

Led by Mamiya, we walked from the station for about ten minutes... When I saw it, I was completely blown away.

Judging from the station's name, I had a vague guess when we got off the train. It's just that when I actually saw it with my own eyes, I still found myself speechless.

Especially for someone heartbroken, its sheer presence was too piercing...

"It's the ocean!!"

Beside me, Mamiya suddenly shouted.

Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes moist... Was she excited?

"Mamiya, you're the type to yell out loud at times like this, huh..."

"Are you surprised?"

"No, well... honestly, yes."

"Hehe, you guessed right. This is my first time coming to the beach and shouting or anything like that."

She smiled naturally, looking somewhat proud for some reason.

"When it comes to shouting, isn't the beach a classic setting? Even though I don't think it's particularly forgiving, as a target for us to vent our frustrations, there's nothing more suitable!"

"Yeah, I guess...?"

Compared to hurting each other, this was probably much healthier.

Swimming had been prohibited here a long time ago. It wasn't a fishing port either, so it felt rather deserted... Even if we screamed, probably no one would hear us.

"The wind feels really nice. The smell of the ocean..."

Mamiya murmured as the sea breeze fluttered her black hair.

Just like the expansive view of the horizon in the distance, the scent of the tide truly made it feel like we had arrived at the sea.

Unlike that suffocating school building, it was refreshing and open, a feeling as if the heat in my body was being drawn out and gradually melting away...

"...Alright."

Taking a step before the sandy beach, Mamiya suddenly took off her loafers and even her black tights!?

"What are you doing!?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing... You can't go onto the beach wearing shoes and socks, right? It would be a hassle if sand got into the crevices of my loafers."

"That may be true, but..."

"Come on, take yours off quickly too, Watanuki-kun! We have to head back once the sun completely sets!"

"I-I know."

In front of Mamiya, who was unsparingly showing off her bare legs and urging me on, I hurriedly took off my loafers and socks as well, rolling up the hems of my uniform pants.

On the sandy beach that held no footprints yet, looking like an unopened brand-new item, we carved out our two sets of footprints.

Although swimming was prohibited, just dipping our toes in the seawater seemed to be fine.

However, standing by the waves in our uniforms somehow felt like a scene straight out of a manga, making me feel a bit embarrassed.

"It's just like a novel I read before. I never thought I'd actually experience it myself."

Her reference medium is more mature than mine...!

Gazing at the horizon, Mamiya laughed self-deprecatingly.

"Since I was little, I've always been Souichi's fiancée."

She whispered softly.

She wasn't saying it to me; rather, it was an ephemeral sound that seemed meant to dissolve into the gentle waves of the sea... I silently listened closely.

"Uncle and aunt Shibaki are very good people, and I like them a lot. So, I wanted to meet their expectations too... Although I didn't really understand what marriage was about, I constantly strived to become a wonderful wife. Hehe, this feels like a novel's plot too, doesn't it."

Mamiya sighed, lightly kicking up a splash of water at the same time.

"Hey, Watanuki-kun, did you know? In the world of novels, the relationship between fiancés is always very prone to having problems."

It wasn't something I couldn't imagine.

Novels—fictional works—are meant to entertain people. Their contents, big or small, always contain elements of surprise or freshness.

And an engagement is a highly stable relationship.

Moving towards the goal of marriage is a matter of course. It's so expected that its conclusion lacks any excitement; conversely, it only becomes interesting when it breaks apart... That's probably how it goes.

It felt like it carried a similar expectation to the common death flag: saying 'Once this battle is over, I'm going back to get married' right before inevitably dying.

"My relationship with Souichi was exactly like the fiancés in a novel. There wasn't the slightest bit of the bittersweetness of lovers; it was completely cold... But even so, that was fine. Being engaged to Souichi was a given, and I had never imagined a future other than being with him... Someone like me must look like a very boring woman to outsiders, I bet."

"I wouldn't know, but even if that were true, it doesn't give him a reason to betray you."

Betrayal is a cruelty that's only permissible because it's fiction.

Who would be happy if such an unreasonable thing happened in reality?

"You're really kind, Watanuki-kun... However, in this situation, don't you think I'd find it easier to accept if you clearly told me, 'You're right'?"

"I can't lie. The way I see it, you're absolutely not a boring person, Mamiya... Besides, this isn't just someone else's problem for me. Did you know? In the world of fiction, a childhood friend relationship is just as prone to shattering as an engagement."

Childhood friend = losing heroine; this formula seems to be established as a standard trope in the fictional world. That's also likely because it's a stable relationship that's already been completed since birth.

It's natural for it to break. If it didn't, it would be too predictable and thus boring... or something like that.

"Hehe, then that means I took a double hit. I'm both a fiancée and a childhood friend."

"Ah, I didn't mean it like that... Sorry..."

"It's fine. Moreover, you two were lovers, right? Compared to a relationship decided by parents like mine, the pain of confessing, being accepted, dating... and ultimately being betrayed is completely incomparable."

"That's not true. Our relationship wasn't focused on the future like an engagement is... Really, they can't be compared."

Whether a fiancée or a lover is 'higher ranked', such things don't matter anymore at this point.

The reason the two of us, who had never even had a proper conversation before, were gazing at the ocean together on this deserted coast was because we were both deeply hurt.

To compare the depth of those scars and say things like, "Because one side is more miserable, the other should be glad they haven't fallen that far"... that kind of thinking is fundamentally wrong.

We just got hurt. Isn't that fact alone enough?

"...Our appearances as losers really are too pathetic to look at."

"Yeah. Really..."

Saying it out loud again strangely made me feel a bit light.

Of course it was heavy. Painful. Agonizing. But, speaking a bit carelessly, precisely because someone like Mamiya, who shared a similar pain, was here... speaking a bit pretentiously, having a 'comrade' here brought me a sense of relief.

I definitely couldn't discuss this with anyone. Not my parents, not my older sister, and of course, not my friends.

There must be only the two of us in this world. The only ones who can purely empathize with each other's pain without a shred of pity or reservation.

"Aaaaaaargh!!"

Just as I was savoring these thoughts, Mamiya cried out.

That all-out scream, tearing from the depths of her diaphragm and almost breaking her voice, gave me the illusion that she had yanked my arm—.

"Dammiiittt!!"

Before I could even think, I, too, was shouting with all my might.

My throat burned, and it felt like the core of my brain was heating up. My vision blurred and flickered.

Even if there was no one around, even if there were no boats visible on the sea, screaming at the top of my lungs outside like this was just too embarrassing... I would normally think that.

Except, right now, it felt like there was absolutely no one else in this world.

"Is that all you've got? Boys are so useless, aren't they?"

"As if. Not even close."

"Hehe, that's more like it!"

Provoked and riding the momentum, we roared until it felt like our guts would tear apart.

I didn't know who to be angry at. Karen, who betrayed me? The man who stole Karen away? Or my helpless self, who could only watch everything happen?

Because I didn't know, I just roared it out anyway. From the depths of my stomach, as if pouring everything out. Like haphazardly lashing out.

Even my heart was broken to this extent—I could no longer believe that my relationship with Karen, the Karen I had once loved so deeply, could be repaired.

Accept it. Understand it. The more I screamed, the worse my headache got, and the blurrier my vision became, yet I found myself able to understand.

There's no going back. I can only accept it all, and then continue living from tomorrow onwards.

"Waaaaaaaargh!!"

As the setting sun shining upon our backs gradually lost its strength, my mind slowly went blank, accepting reality.

...Just like that, when the sun had completely set, both Mamiya and I had run out of words to scream, left only with our shoulders heaving violently as we panted.

"Do you feel better?"

"Not at all... But my chest feels somewhat lighter. Thank you, Mamiya."

"I didn't scream for your sake, you know?"

"But you brought me here. And back then, you grabbed my hand and helped me escape to the roof... Thinking about it carefully, you had no obligation to do that."

"True. But... it was because your complexion was so terrible that I couldn't just ignore it."

"Haha..."

I couldn't deny it. Back then, I definitely had a face I wouldn't want anyone to see.

"Are you feeling a little better?"

"Yeah. It's like night and day."

"That's good. Then I'll add this to the list of things you're thankful for."

"Oh my, that's quite a profit for you."

She certainly has a quick tongue.

Even though today was the first time we properly spoke... No, I suppose it's only natural. She saw a side of me I didn't want anyone to see, and I saw a side of her she didn't want anyone to see.

As fellow losers, we were licking each other's fresh, fatal wounds, barely managing to stand at the edge of the cliff.

Thinking of it that way, it's not strange that our sense of distance has shrunk quite a bit.

"...What are you saying, I was saved by your presence too, so there's no reason for you to thank me. At the very least, I don't have to wallow in the sentimentality of thinking 'I'm the unluckiest person in the whole world' anymore."

Saying so, Mamiya smiled shyly. It was a childish smile that was hard to imagine from the cool impression her outward appearance gave off.

"It's about time we headed back, but... before that, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Would you like to... form a contract with me?"

"C-Contract?"

A dangerous word appeared!

A contract for what...? Could it be forcing me to join some unnecessary insurance, or hard-selling me a suspicious urn or something...!?

"Well... I mean, spending time together like this from now on, or something."

"Eh?"

"I'm sure I didn't love him—Souichi Shibaki—from the bottom of my heart. However, this sense of loss, this pain of being betrayed... it's arguably the most excruciating thing I've experienced in my life. In my life, that was surely all I had..."

"...Yeah."

I could feel it from her screams.

An extraordinary amount of anger and sadness... Even if she said she didn't love him, he was still a special person with whom she had envisioned a future of marriage.

"Probably, this pain won't fade away immediately. I have a feeling it's going to last for many days, months, maybe even years... But that's just stupid. Why must I, the one who was betrayed, continue to suffer? Meanwhile, the one who abandoned me is getting hot and heavy with another woman... Ah, no. Although it's also possible that you and Suzaki-san might get back together."

"...I think that would be difficult. Whether it's Karen's fault or my fault... that's still unclear, but there's no going back. Though some might say that if you're a man, you should just laugh it off if you get betrayed once."

At the very least, right now, I have no confidence that I could look Karen in the eye and smile.

Time might solve the problem, but to get there, I'd definitely have to go through an immense internal struggle, and cross over a helpless sense of compromise... It still felt entirely out of reach at the moment.

"In that case, you're going to live an incredibly gloomy high school life from now on, heartbroken."

"Well, I suppose so. I can't go back with Karen. But, I can't forget the feelings I've built up over more than half my life. At the very least, if I had the thick skin to just immediately get with another girl... or something, I wouldn't be this depressed."

"Therefore, let's make a contract. With me... how about trying out a fake romance?"

"A fake romance...!?"

"It might sound a bit exaggerated, but it means going places and trying to spend time together like we did today... or something? I don't really get it myself as I'm saying it, but if it can make our gloomy feelings clear up even a little and allow us to properly move forward, wouldn't that be a good thing for both of us?"

It's true, I genuinely felt glad to have been brought here today.

I would never have thought of coming to the beach to scream on my own, and more importantly, because Mamiya was here, I felt that I wasn't alone.

I don't know what the future holds yet. Will I be able to truly fall in love with someone other than Karen...?

However, when that day comes, I don't want to flinch because I remembered what happened today.

If I can take a proper step forward when that day arrives... If it can become my salvation, and simultaneously become hers as well.

"...Understood."

There was absolutely no need to hesitate.

Feeling the corners of my mouth naturally turn up, I reached out my hand to her.

"The only person in the entire world who can share this pain with me without offering pity or sympathy is you, Mamiya. To do this again... No, I will form a contract with you."

I thought about using my usual roundabout way of speaking, but dropped it. This was how it should be here—I deliberately nodded in agreement using the exact same phrasing as her. Saying it out loud really did feel a bit exaggerated and embarrassing.

But this exaggerated feeling, this sense of slightly pushing myself to act cool, strangely gave me a refreshing feeling.

"Hehe."

Mamiya smiled happily and reached out to grasp my hand—

"...Kyaa!?"

"Look out!?"

Her foot slipped completely, and I barely managed to catch her in the nick of time right before she fell.

Thank goodness I made it... It wouldn't be much of a contract if she got completely drenched. She surely didn't bring a change of clothes either.

"W-Wait a minute?"

"Hm?"

Reflexively gripping the front of my shirt and maintaining her unstable, leaning posture, Mamiya looked up at me.

Her lips were trembling slightly, and her face seemed a bit flushed... No, maybe it was just my imagination. It was already dark, so I couldn't see the change in her complexion.

...I swear, I absolutely did not touch any sensitive areas. Even though I hugged her in a panic, I was only touching her shoulders.

"C-Could you let me go?"

"I can't, you'll fall if I let go now. Can you stand steady?"

"I can stand! I'll be steady in a second!"

Mamiya hurriedly broke free. However, it would have been a waste of effort if she fell due to the recoil, so I held onto her arm for the time being... Once she had finally steadied herself, I let go just as she asked.

"That was close."

"Yeah, although I'd like to say thanks..."

"Hm...?"

For some reason, she was glaring at me with half-closed eyes. It was dark, but I could still make out her expression... Was she angry!?

"Uh, sorry! I, um, didn't do it on purpose...!"

"...Whatever, it's fine. It just feels like I'm the only one who cares, which is a bit annoying, that's all."

"Care about what—"

"Anyway!"

Mamiya swiftly thrust her index finger right in front of the tip of my nose.

"Please take care of me from now on, Amou Watanuki-kun!"

Mamiya declared with a somewhat serious aura.

There was no anger contained in those words. No, although I couldn't clearly define its true nature, it was something much warmer and more refreshing... I couldn't help but smile wryly and nod.

"Likewise, please take care of me from now on, Sachika Mamiya-san."

I don't know what kind of future this contract will lead to.

The fact that today is the worst, unluckiest day of my life hasn't changed, but even so, meeting her was definitely a ray of light.

If I were alone, I'd have absolutely no idea what would become of me tomorrow.

However, even for someone like me, as long as I am with her, I feel like I can believe in it.

Even if we are still losers today, I'm sure that one day, we will definitely find happiness.

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