Fellow Losers Chapter 4

 

An Unfamiliar Face

"Good morning, Akkun."

"...Eh?"

As soon as I opened the door, she was standing there with a smile on her face.

It was as if she were welcoming me.

It was as if... absolutely nothing had ever happened right from the start.

Friday. For students, this marks the end of the week.

A high schooler's head is filled with how to spend the two days of vacation starting tomorrow. Of course, there's also the pattern of going to school on Saturday as usual, like the students in the advanced class Mamiya belongs to.

For me, this week has been a week of raging storms. The worst possible thing happened, I met an irreplaceable comrade, and I formed a contract I never would have imagined in my life up until now.

It was a messy week, enough to completely rewrite my life thus far. Even so, I finally managed to get a somewhat decent sleep yesterday. Although I have no plans for the weekend, I should be able to spend it a little peacefully... Or so it should have been.

"Wh-Why..."

"Ah, did I startle you? I suppose that makes sense. You're right. After all, Akkun, you've always been the one to come pick me up."

"That's not what I mean... Why, because—"

"There's nothing strange about it, right? We've always walked to school together before."

She—Karen—tilted her head in genuine puzzlement.

Ah, it really is exactly the same as I've always seen. That incredibly cute smile that stirs up one's protective instincts.

Every time I saw that smile, my heart would flutter—but right now, it was accompanied by a piercing pain completely different from back then.

Even though that happened... faced with that smile that hadn't faded in the slightest, a chill ran down my spine.

"I-I told you, didn't I? Let's not walk to school together anymore."

"Yeah. And I also said I would wait until you calmed down, Akkun."

"Then why are you still..."

"Because, I saw it, you know. You walking while smiling, Akkun. So I thought~ maybe you've calmed down already♪"

Karen said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She didn't seem to feel any guilt whatsoever.

"After school yesterday, you were with a girl, weren't you? I saw it by chance."

She was still smiling, but her tone dropped slightly... just that was enough to make the air freeze a bit. That was her habit when she was angry.

"Ugh...!"

"Why are you making that face? You look like you're thinking 'Oh crap'."

Why? Even I didn't understand.

It's just that I didn't want her to know about Mamiya. I felt that this was something she absolutely must not know about.

Even though up until now, I had never hidden anything from Karen—.

"Akkun, you've never hidden anything from me before."

Karen naturally saw right through my thoughts—no, saw right through my character—and pouted in displeasure.

"Ugh! Y-You were hiding things from me too, weren't you...!?"

"Are you talking about Souichi? But that wasn't really hiding anything, that's an exaggeration."

An exaggeration...?

Looking at Karen's unapologetic smile, which was so perfectly in character for her, my thoughts ground to a halt.

Since just now—no, since the very beginning—I completely couldn't understand what Karen was talking about.

"I was planning to tell you properly, Akkun. About Souichi."

"Huh...?"

"You see, Souichi and I met right after we entered school."

As Karen started talking self-importantly like this, she began to walk as if guiding me.

I never said I would go with her. I hadn't yet prepared myself mentally to face Karen.

I absolutely didn't want to hear about Shibaki either... Or so it should have been, but my feet moved on their own and followed her.

"He suddenly came over from the other side and started talking to me. Saying I was cute and stuff... But this kind of thing happened often before too, right?"

...I wish you wouldn't connect everything back to me.

It's true that Karen is extremely popular. While it's hard to tell if it was genuine or not, she has been scouted by entertainment agencies several times.

Only, what annoyed me wasn't that Karen, who was recounting this, didn't seem to hate it... Knowing the outcome, feeling that way wasn't strange.

What bothered me was Shibaki's side of things. Talking to her because she was cute? Even though you already had Mamiya.

"Souichi is super big, isn't he? Completely different from you, Akkun, at first I thought he was an upperclassman... But he's actually not as scary as he looks. Should I say he's quite inexperienced, or that that part of him is kinda cute?"

Karen giggled happily.

As a topic of romance, the person talking must be having a lot of fun. Although I completely couldn't comprehend the nerve she had to talk about this to me.

"And then, as we were talking, he confessed to me. Of course, I was dating you at the time, Akkun, and I thought about rejecting him... But, you're my childhood friend, right, Akkun? So I thought, if I'm going to date someone, maybe it's better to date Souichi."

"Hah............?"

My feet, which had been moving on their own, stopped.

Trembling, I felt so dizzy that if I relaxed even a little, I would collapse right there.

The only saving grace was that what Karen was saying was so utterly absurd that I didn't even have the spare energy to get angry.

"Could it be, you think I find Souichi more important than you, Akkun? Ahaha, that's not it."

"N-No... But, you chose that guy, didn't you, Karen...?"

"It's not a matter of choosing someone. Because even if we're not lovers, we can always be together as childhood friends, right, Akkun? But with Souichi, if I rejected his confession, we probably wouldn't interact anymore, and I thought it would be a waste for it to end like that after we finally met."

"S-So, because of that, you became that kind of relationship with him?"

"Yeah. Although I was surprised when he suddenly kissed me and pushed me down... but I wasn't forced, so you can rest assured about that, okay?"

I had thought Karen was cheating on me. I thought she had deceived me and gotten with another man..."

But that wasn't correct.

Compared to something simple like that, something much more............ incomprehensible had happened.

"Karen............ how do you see me?"

"What do you mean, 'how'?"

"Like, or dislike, or something."

"What are you saying? Of course I love you the most. Because you're always so kind, Akkun, you always put me first, and you're my childhood friend who's been with me since forever."

"...I see."

Being kind, putting Karen first—those were things I myself wanted to do and had always put into practice.

However, hearing them from her mouth, I realized there was a massive temperature difference between us.

Karen had properly received my feelings, and then, of her own free will, gave her body to him.

I am a man too. While that wasn't everything, it's true I had thoughts of wanting to do that.

When I confessed to Karen and was accepted, how could I not imagine it.

Someday, at the perfect moment, kissing her, and from there on—things like that.

"...Doing that with Shibaki-kun, you didn't feel any resistance?"

My feelings of inferiority made me ask such a question. Even though asking it wouldn't change a thing.

"I didn't really feel any resistance. Although it was a bit embarrassing, Souichi was very happy. It hurt a little for me at first too, but it quickly started feeling good♪"

This vivid recounting of her first experience was certainly wearing down my spirit. However, the main blow wasn't its content.

With what kind of feelings had I confessed to Karen? How happy had I been when she accepted me? What kind of time had I wanted to spend with Karen?

I realized that Karen hadn't received a single ounce of any of that.

Because even while saying such things, Karen's smile hadn't changed at all. It was the smile of the 'childhood friend' I had fallen in love with.

"Even though you accidentally saw it, Akkun... I was planning to properly explain it to you, you know?"

"...Then didn't you ever think about how I would react?"

"Eh? Think about it... there's no need to, right?"

Because I would accept everything as long as it was about Karen—that innocent gaze gouged at my heart.

"How could there be no need... because...!"

"Oh right! Akkun, did you know?"

My protest was easily drowned out.

Up until now, I had always been Karen's yes-man. Wanting to get her attention, wanting her to like me, afraid of conflict—even if a guy like that tried to resist, it wouldn't reach her. It absolutely couldn't reach her.

"I heard Souichi plays tennis too. He said he's the strongest among his peers!"

"Ugh..."

Karen spoke of Shibaki's background as if showing off.

The fact that the girl I once loved was infatuated with another man. And, the information about the man named Souichi Shibaki.

Neither of these were things I could endure right now.

Because Shibaki... that guy...

"Souichi, he said he knows a lot about injuries too. So, if you get Souichi's help too, Akkun, you'll be able to once again—"

"Stop it!!"

Unable to listen any longer, I roared with all my might, my throat throbbing with pain.

Perhaps startled by the volume, Karen froze, looking at me with shaken eyes.

"Those words... I don't want to hear them anymore..."

I gripped my pants tightly. My vision was spinning strangely, and my hands were trembling... If I relaxed my grip even slightly, it felt like my knees would give out.

"Akkun? But..."

"I... I really did love you once, Karen."

"Eh? Of course I also—"

"No. My feelings and yours are completely different... definitely, right from the start."

I had always been with Karen. I liked her. I thought she was more important than family, and that I understood her better than anyone... I had thought so.

"I... if I had the same feelings as you, Karen, I definitely wouldn't have confessed or anything on the day of our junior high graduation. I didn't want to just be childhood friends who grew up together; I wanted to be your lover."

At this point, what was the use of saying such things.

In the end, what exactly was the Karen I had been looking at? Karen always smiled and relied on me... No, it wasn't something that could be summarized in such simple words.

I loved being with her. Just being with her made me feel happy.

But...

"That was just me arbitrarily feeling that way all by myself."

Even now, her smile hasn't changed. It's exactly as it is in my memories.

Her gentle voice, that sweet atmosphere that makes you want to protect her... Even so, the reason I doubted if she was a different person was surely because only now did I finally understand that I didn't know her at all.

"Um... I was very happy when you confessed to me, Akkun? But—"

"Yeah, I know."

To Karen, I was already sitting in the seat of a childhood friend. Therefore, the seat of the lover was given to Shibaki. That feeling is something I really can't understand after all.

The more we talk, the less I understand Karen, and the more I pour out my feelings, the more emptiness wells up.

So enough already... I can't do this anymore.

"I understand... Karen. Let's break up."

Amidst the headache and nausea that threatened to crush me, I somehow squeezed out those words.

Perhaps right from the start, our relationship wasn't something we could proclaim as 'dating', but... to let these feelings naturally die out, to pretend they never started, would make the me who shed tears of joy at that confession that day far too pathetic.

"Huh? Mmm... That's true. I am dating Souichi, after all."

As if saying, "You're bringing this up now?", Karen nodded matter-of-factly. In it, there was no regret, no pity, nor mockery.

My first love, nurtured for over ten years and which I thought had finally blossomed, met its decisive end just like this. From the day I witnessed that scene until today, I already knew this relationship was broken... but proclaiming its end with my own mouth again carried the same level of pain as that day.

It was so painful that I felt I could no longer stay in the same space as her.

"Sorry... I'm not feeling well today, so I'm going to take the day off from school. You go on ahead by yourself."

"Huh? Are you okay? Want me to stay and take care of you?"

"............Spare me."

This accidental slip of my true feelings, mingled with my headache, didn't seem to reach Karen clearly.

She merely tilted her head in confusion... However, perhaps she understood a little bit; although she showed a worried expression, she didn't strangely approach me.

"Then, I'll be going."

"Ah... Akkun! About yesterday, I wanted to ask who that girl was, and what you guys did together..."

Ah, I see. So that's why Karen specifically waited for me in front of my house today.

But...

"I have no reason to tell you any of that, Karen."

Wanting to end the conversation quickly, I gave a brief response. Only after I said it did I realize it was a completely emotionless, cold remark.

Karen probably didn't expect me to reject her like this either. She froze blankly with her mouth half-open.

"...Then, see you."

Turning my back on her as she stood there, I started walking back the way I had just come.

I didn't feel at all like I had exacted any kind of revenge on her.

I just didn't want to tell Karen about Mamiya. Although there was no clear reason... even if I wanted to think about it, my headache was getting worse, and I couldn't focus on it at all.

"Ah, I really feel like I'm getting sicker..."

Just as I felt my consciousness fading, dragging my unsteady feet, I somehow managed to make it back home.

◇

They say illness stems from the mind, but my complexion when I returned home must have been absolutely terrible.

Even my mom, who normally never allows me to slack off and skip school, let me rest without a single word of complaint. Though a low-grade fever that appeared out of nowhere probably helped my case.

Of course, I had definitely taken a corresponding—no, an even more severe amount of damage. My heart was pounding, which was far more than just a low-grade fever; unpleasant sweat kept pouring out of me; and my head throbbed painfully. It was the worst.

I collapsed onto my bed, waiting for the palpitations to subside.

"Karen..."

As the headache and nausea gradually faded, what I ended up recalling was inevitably that conversation from earlier.

It wasn't that calming down made it easier to accept; rather, the calmer I got, the more an emotion bordering on sheer terror welled up inside me.

I thought I had been betrayed by Karen—deceived by her, cheated on by her.

But Karen surely never had any intention of deceiving me. I didn't sense any malice or guilt from her. She was truly exactly the same as usual.

It was as if I was the one who had gotten it all wrong right from the start... No, I probably really did misunderstand. I completely failed to understand what kind of person Karen actually was, and just selfishly got carried away and fell in love with her.

Even though I thought she was the most important person in this world, the one who understood me best...

"Ah..."

My phone vibrated. It was from Mamiya.

"Are you free during lunch break?"

A stiff chat message with no emojis, just business-like content.

Very true to her style—.

"...But, I have no idea what kind of expression she has on the other side of this screen..."

Suddenly, such a wicked thought crossed my mind.

Mamiya is a comrade. A fellow loser bearing the same scars. Just yesterday, I had reaffirmed this and sworn to trust her... Even so, the thought surfaced no matter what.

Really, is the Mamiya I think I know and the real Mamiya the same person?

Maybe... Mamiya is deceiving me too.

When it comes down to it, I don't even know if she is actually Shibaki's fiancée. She's just the one who said so.

Maybe there is no fiancé at all... No, rather, maybe she's on Shibaki or Karen's side, approaching me like a spy so the three of them can laugh at me together—

"...! No, no, no, that's just pure malicious speculation. Mamiya-san has no reason to do something like that!"

Even assuming Shibaki—who developed that kind of relationship with Karen—found me an eyesore and instigated Mamiya-san to mess with me... even running with such a worst-case scenario, she and I had zero interaction before this. It just felt like too roundabout of a method. There should have been much more efficient ways.

And most importantly...

—So, I promise you. I won't let go of your hand on my own either. Since you said you won't leave me... this contract is eternal, isn't it?

I didn't want to doubt Mamiya-san's words.

My judgment of character is already completely unreliable. I was so completely blind to who Karen really was... Even so, I still...

"............I-I have to reply with something."

Using my tangled mind, I forcibly engaged my rationality to try and cover it up.

A little time had passed. She already knew I had read the message through the app's read-receipt function. If I dragged out my reply too long, it might upset her.

"Sorry, I took the day off school today."

Just squeezing out this safe sentence took me nearly five minutes.

However, just as I breathed a sigh of relief thinking I had glossed over it, my phone vibrated again.

"Are you okay? You didn't look like you were feeling unwell yesterday, though."

Right, it's lunch break right now. Since she can look at her phone, if I send a message, I'll get a reply immediately... Ugh...!

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"...Was that a bit too cold?"

Although I thought that immediately, the message had already been sent.

It couldn't be helped. To make up for it, just as I was looking for a suitable sticker to send and smooth things over—before I could, she called me............ Eh, a call!?

"Wh-Why!? But, I have to answer it..."

If I didn't answer this call, it would clearly look like I was intentionally ignoring her.

After hesitating for a moment, I pressed the answer button.

"...Hello?"

"Hello. Is it a good time now?"

"Eh, ah... yeah. What's wrong...?"

"............I'm a little worried about you."

Somehow, her voice sounded displeased. Even through the phone, I could almost picture her expression with a furrowed brow.

But, then why was she displeased...? Did something happen to her, or was it because I took the day off from school... No, could it be that word of me giving Karen the cold shoulder had reached her ears...!

"Watanuki-kun."

"Ah, y-yes!?"

"Are you hiding something?"

"Eh...!?"

My heart gave a loud thump.

Even though it was through the phone, it felt like she had seen right through my thoughts. No, could it be she already knew?

This is bad. The terrible imagination wouldn't stop...!

"Wh-Why..."

"I can tell just from your voice. Also, your unnatural delay in replying after reading the message bothered me a bit too... Well, although there was a possibility you were just too busy to pick up the phone, I'm actually relieved to know that's not the case."

"You figured it out just from the reply time and my voice...?"

"What else could I rely on?"

With a tone tinged with suspicion, she accurately pressed the issue.

The person on the other end of the line was the exact Mamiya-san I imagined.

Listening to her slightly displeased voice by my ear, I involuntarily straightened my back.

"Um, well..."

"What is it? Are you afraid of something I might hear?"

"If you're asking if it's troubling, um..."

"Does it have to do with taking the day off from school?"

"Ugh..."

"It does have to do with it, doesn't it."

She pinned it down!

Even though we were only talking over the phone, it felt like my inner thoughts were completely exposed.

"N-No, but... this has nothing to do with you, Mamiya..."

"...Is that really true? If you say so, I will believe you..."

Believe.

That word made my chest sting. Her slightly uneasy tone caused me to break out in a different kind of sweat than before.

Mamiya might be deceiving me—that possibility wasn't entirely nonexistent.

But that was just my own terrible delusion, without any basis... I had just become paranoid because I failed to see Karen's true face. Yet, I also had no way to prove that this suspicion was entirely overthinking things.

..................I just didn't want to get hurt myself. I wanted to reject Mamiya purely out of self-preservation.

She might be innocent... No, even if she wasn't, the fact that I was saved by her back then was an absolutely unchangeable truth.

"...I'm sorry, Mamiya."

"Eh, wait... c-could it be, you're crying!?"

"N-No, this is..."

"I can tell even through the phone, it's obvious."

Hearing that caring voice tightened my chest even further.

My mind was a tangled mess, not knowing whether I should trust Mamiya—no, unable to tell whether I wanted to trust her or was unwilling to trust her, and my emotions simply overflowed.

"...If it's alright with you, could you tell me about it? Don't worry, I won't go around telling anyone. Besides... I've moved to a place where there's no one around right now. So even if you say something earth-shattering that makes me want to scream, it won't bother anyone."

Mamiya seemed somewhat flustered, speaking a bit faster than usual. Being able to sense it even through the phone... this must be what that means. She was clearly being considerate of my feelings.

That clumsy kindness was very true to her nature, and logically I should be willing to trust her, but...

"Ahem. Alright, please go ahead."

"Um..."

Even so, where should I start, and how should I say it?

Even if I wanted to confess, I hadn't fully sorted out my thoughts myself. But staying silent for too long would also be bad for Mamiya.

Just be decisive, just be decisive............

"Mamiya... you wouldn't happen to be in cahoots with Karen, would you?"

"?"

A low, fierce voice! Even through the phone, it felt like my ear was being twisted hard!!

She walked right past it just like that!!

"I have no idea when or how you even came up with such a thought............ Watanuki-kun?"

"Hah, eek...!"

"Even if it takes a long time, that's fine. Could you please tell me everything, from beginning to end, without leaving a single detail out?"

Ah, I can tell this even through the phone too.

Right now, Mamiya must have a bright smile plastered on her face while a vein pops on her forehead.

I, trembling uncontrollably despite being on the phone, sat in seiza on the spot, pressed my forehead to the floor, and desperately explained.

Everything that happened since waking up this morning, leaving no room to even gloss over anything, every single detail...

◇

"Th-That's everything."

"...I see."

After I finished explaining everything, Mamiya's voice sounded incredibly stiff.

Throughout the explanation, she would occasionally chime in, letting out surprised sounds like "Eh!?", or expressing exasperation with "Really...!?", or showing clear confusion with "Eh? Ah, huh!? W-Wait a minute!?"... While I definitely lack good judgment in character, I really didn't think she was the type skilled enough to pull off a deception.

"Anyway... my condolences. How should I put this, I don't even know what to say to you... but if I were in your shoes, I might have suspected you too."

"Is, that so..."

"Of course I'm not in cahoots with her, and I have absolutely nothing to do with that man. Just being suspected like that makes me feel sick to my stomach. However, right now you probably can't even trust yourself, so no matter how much I plead my innocence, you wouldn't be able to fully accept it, would you."

Hearing Mamiya sigh deeply, I felt an uncontrollable urge to cry.

She was right. No matter what, I couldn't bring myself to think she was the kind of person who would deceive others. Even though we hadn't known each other for even a week, I had already experienced firsthand how honest, straightforward, and kind she was.

But I couldn't even trust my own feelings. So, even though I didn't want to doubt her, even though I wanted to believe her... I just couldn't take that final step.

"How about this: what if I go to her classroom right now and punch her hard? It would vent some anger for my precious friend and make us feel a bit better, and if I recorded it on video, it might give you some reason to trust me, right?"

"N-No, you can't!? If you did that, you'd be the only one losing out, Mamiya!?"

"Even as you try to stop me like this, you still suspect I'm in cahoots with her."

"Ugh............ By the way, Mamiya, earlier you called me your precious—"

"Ah, the warning bell is about to ring! I have to get back to class!"

Mamiya interrupted me somewhat unnaturally.

She deliberately stood up with a muttered "Heave-ho," and the sound of her moving came through the phone.

"By the way, Watanuki-kun. What's the closest station to your house?"

"Eh?"

With the topic completely changing out of nowhere, I answered honestly while feeling bewildered.

"I see..."

Her voice moved slightly further away, and I heard the sound of her tapping on her smartphone.

What on earth did she ask for my closest station for?

"Then... 17:00. Let's meet in front of the ticket gates."

"Eh?"

"I should be able to get there around that time after seventh period ends. Unless you're actually feeling unwell, you can at least come out for a bit, right?"

"Eh, uh, you mean we're meeting up now...?"

"You wouldn't... unilaterally throw your suspicions at me and then refuse my request, would you?"

Her voice carried a smile. I could even clearly picture her expression.

But, why?

At the same time, I could imagine—no, I completely understood—that only her eyes were absolutely not smiling.

A murderous intent akin to a knife held against my throat came rushing at me, and I could only nod.

◇

I told my mom, who had returned from work, that my body had recovered and I was going out for a run, and left the house.

Although my feigning illness was completely exposed, I couldn't think of any other good excuse... However, for some reason, my mom didn't question me too closely and just saw me off normally.

To add some credibility to the excuse of going for a run, I left wearing a matching tracksuit, but I later regretted it, thinking it might be a bit too uncool for meeting Mamiya.

Moreover, going to the closest station carried the risk of bumping into Karen...

While unconsciously searching for excuses to head back home, I arrived in front of the ticket gates with perfect timing—and Mamiya was already standing there.

"Y-You really came..."

"Did you think I was joking? It seems I really am not trusted. How hurtful..."

"Ah, no, that's not what I meant!"

"Hehe, I'm just kidding. Even I know this is a whimsical, impulsive act. Before coming here, I hesitated several times, thinking I should just drop it, and whether I should send a message to cancel."

Whether she was being serious or joking, Mamiya shrugged and smiled, then handed her bag to me.

It seemed she wanted me to hold it. This also... must be her way of being considerate.

"Just chatting for a bit is enough for me, so walking around aimlessly is fine."

"...Understood."

Taking the bag, I nodded at her words.

Since I had arbitrarily assumed she would ask me to take her to my house, I was a bit surprised, and simultaneously several family restaurants that would be easy to drop into popped into my head.

"This is my first time getting off at this station. Were you born and raised around here, Watanuki-kun?"

"Yeah. Though there's really nothing around here, so if I have errands, I usually go to the Sendai area."

"Well, living around here, I suppose that's inevitable. That's the easiest way, after all."

Mamiya-san walked alongside me with a gentle smile on her face.

The anger I felt through the phone was completely nowhere to be seen. Or perhaps it just couldn't be seen.

"Oh my, what a stiff expression. You look like you're very nervous."

"Ugh... because..."

"If you're going to make that face, you shouldn't have doubted me in the first place, right? Do I look like I'm lying to you?"

"...You don't."

"Correct. Because I haven't lied to you at all. I'm very honest with you, to the point where I might even tell a few more lies to my family, you know?"

While giggling... for some reason, Mamiya-san suddenly grabbed my hand.

"Eh!? Mamiya-san!?"

"You were thinking about this too, weren't you? What people would think if an acquaintance saw the two of us together. Family, friends, and... a troublesome ex-girlfriend, for instance."

"Ugh... because it would cause trouble for you, Mamiya-san..."

"I'm perfectly fine. This area isn't my turf, so I definitely don't have any acquaintances here. So, if we happen to be seen, we can just say this."

Mamiya-san brought her lips close to my ear, and along with her breath, softly delivered those tempting words.

"Just say that we're dating."

"Eh!?"

Faced with her sudden proposal, my mind instantly went blank... Seeing me like this, the corners of Mamiya-san's mouth curled up, revealing a look of triumph.

"I'm not wrong, am I? For two people who have entered a fake romance contract, isn't declaring to those around us that we're lovers also part of the charm of romance?"

"No, but..."

"Besides, it can act as a deterrent against your ex-girlfriend, right? We might even be able to avoid messy encounters like the one this morning. Though I'm not entirely sure."

I had told her everything about this morning. Including the fact that Karen was very likely interested in Mamiya-san.

Mamiya-san said this understanding that fact, and realizing that Karen's target of aggression would shift to her.

"But this topic is really annoying, isn't it? When I punched that bastard fiancé of mine, she should have clearly seen my face, yet she completely forgot who I was, didn't she? After all, she went out of her way to ask, 'Who is that girl?'"

"W-Well, perhaps that's true..."

"Exactly. Although I figured you might not be able to say it directly, Watanuki-kun, from my perspective, that girl is undoubtedly a scumbag. A scumbag."

Mamiya-san spat out vulgar words unbefitting her image, but the way she spoke showed she genuinely despised Karen.

Indeed, having someone arbitrarily get into that kind of relationship with her fiancé, and then completely forget the Mamiya-san who stepped in out of anger—it couldn't be helped that she felt that way—.

"Let me be clear, I'm also furious at your attitude in handling this. Acting all reckless, giving full-of-holes excuses, and making it look like I'm the one being petty... Moreover, you created the seed for my suspicion, didn't you? Seriously, scolding you all over again is just making me incredibly angry...!!"

Mamiya-san spat these words out as if trying to bite me. Her appearance like this made me feel a bit surprised.

"What, what's with that look?"

"No... it's just, you sounded way angrier just now than when you were talking about your fiancé."

"Oh? Are you trying to imply that I care more about you getting hurt than my own fiancé being stolen?"

"Uh... no, not really..."

It's true that it was an accidental slip of the tongue, but even I felt that was an embarrassingly conceited thought...

"But in reality, perhaps that is the case, You and I suffered in different ways... yeah, it's probably more that I'm just pissed off as a human being. Ah, I really wish someone would actually witness us. That way, if they come bothering us again, I could say it. 'This guy is my boyfriend now. It's too late to regret it. If you bother us again, I'll show you what needs to be shown'... or something?"

Mamiya-san smiled as if she were joking, but as expected, her eyes were not smiling at all.

"Honestly, from my point of view, treating me as the same kind of person as them is incredibly disrespectful... But, if I could prove that I am truly the real fiancée to that man, wouldn't things be simpler? If I asked my father, I might be able to get written documents about the engagement... Ugh, if we're bringing this topic up, it would be more convenient to use it when putting my cards on the table to break off the engagement, but other than that..."

"Eh, b-break off the engagement!?"

"Isn't that obvious? He developed a physical relationship with another woman. I've firmly obtained the evidence too, you know."

Mamiya said this while showing me her phone. She meant she had recorded their affair at the time.

Having said this much, as expected, Mamiya was truly—.

"...Well, whatever. Even if I don't rush to prove my innocence, I already said it. I absolutely won't let go of your hand."

"Ah..."

"No matter what kind of dirty trick your childhood-friend-ex-girlfriend uses, I’ll keep holding onto you. Doubt me all you want. In fact, I’ll fill your head so much with me that you won’t have time to think about her. …I may not look it, but I’m the clingy type, you know?"

Whether this was a joke or serious, faced with this slightly oppressive declaration, I was awestruck... Mamiya really is Mamiya after all.

If it came to this point and I still said my judgment was wrong... then it would only mean she is an incredible actress. I could only accept my fate and treat this as a future running joke.

"You finally smiled."

Mamiya peeked into my face, revealing a radiant smile.

Only then did I realize that, before I knew it, I was able to smile naturally.

"I really can't win against you, Mamiya."

"Is that so? Then my efforts to encourage you weren't in vain."

"Yeah… Sorry for doubting you so easily. But at the same time, it makes me wonder why you’d go this far…'"

"Why... huh."

She specifically came to my closest station after school, didn't mind being misunderstood just to restore my trust in her, and most importantly, encouraged me with all her might.

Faced with this devotion, I involuntarily asked a question I didn't need to ask.

However, Mamiya didn't show the slightest look of annoyance, resting a hand on her chin as if thinking seriously—.

"There are several reasons. One is because I promised you, Watanuki-kun. To support each other, to lick each other's wounds... as comrades. Another is that, as expected, I simply cannot tolerate being lumped in with that man and that cheating woman; it severely hurts my pride. Also............ I just can't seem to leave you alone, Watanuki-kun."

"Eh? What does that mean...?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. You know, although I haven't been talking to you for long, I feel that your ex-girlfriend turning out like that is somewhat your responsibility too."

My responsibility...?

She cheated on me, felt that a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship didn't matter at all, easily dumped me, yet still wanted to naturally continue our relationship as childhood friends.

Did Mamiya-san notice... that there was something in me that contributed to Karen acting and speaking that way...!?

"How could that be! Exactly what did I—"

"We'll talk about that slowly later. It's fine, I'll properly correct it for you."

Mamiya said this with a laugh, happily taking a step forward.

With her back to the setting sun, letting the wind gently toss her hair, she smiled triumphantly and with a hint of provocation.

I'm sure that, for the time being, I won't be able to fall in love.

I misunderstood Karen's true nature, and was even told by Mamiya that I was the cause.

In a situation where I couldn't even trust myself, I really didn't have the confidence to say I could fall in love with someone else.

And yet—although I knew it wasn’t the case—

(This person is truly beautiful.)

Her looks, naturally, but her demeanor, her way of life... Only in the moment I was captivated by her could I forget all the pain.

She was so radiant, definitely more perfect than I had thought. The stronger that light, and the closer I got, the more it highlighted my own weakness and inadequacy. I couldn't help but feel that way.

Just a little bit, really just a tiny bit, I felt a twinge of sympathy for Souichi Shibaki's feelings when he cheated.

But still, I reached out my hand to her.

Because I thought that if someday I could become the kind of person who has the confidence to stand by her side, by then, I would surely be able to love myself a little bit too.

"Hehehe!"

And then, even though it might make people think I really am an idiot... because when she squeezed my hand back with a bright, childlike smile, I knew I absolutely didn’t want to leave her alone.

<<PREV | TOC | NEXT>>