Fellow Losers Chapter 8

 

Even if We're Both Half-Baked

It happened on a dizzyingly hot day, as if summer had arrived early.

It was the semifinals of the first official tournament after advancing to my second year of middle school. Having finally advanced my pieces that far, I faced him on the court for the very first time.

Souichi Shibaki. Any tennis player of our generation would definitely know that name.

His father was Hajime Shibaki, who had even won championships in world tournaments. As his son, a second-generation athlete who had held a racket since childhood, he won every single match he played. He was a man like a tennis cyborg—he understood talent, and he also understood the methods of hard work required to make that talent bloom.

Even though he was only a middle schooler, he already had a massive frame approaching 170 centimeters. Looking down at me across the net, his entire body exuded an intimidating aura and confidence that made me doubt if we were really the same age.

(It might have been the right choice for Karen not to come watch the match.)

I had invited Karen to watch, but she refused, saying it was too hot.

I was pretty devastated... but even before the match started, I couldn't help but want to complain about this sense of despair. It was so hot, I had already played several matches today and was exhausted, so I definitely wouldn't be able to win.

...Such pathetic thoughts of giving up vanished the moment I saw his preemptive ace serve.

"Amazing..."

A powerful serve hit from a beautiful form—it was absolutely impossible for me, who was still dazing out to return it, but it thoroughly snapped me awake.

I definitely wouldn't be able to beat him. Same age, same region. No matter how long I played tennis from now on, he would surely continue to widen the gap between us by leaps and bounds. I definitely wouldn't even be able to touch his back for a single second.

Even as I thought that, I wanted to fight with all my might. "Even if you know you're going to lose, that's no reason not to take it seriously"... This was something my older sister often told me.

It was a cursed phrase that didn't even allow me to lose heart when my sister used me as a practice dummy for the mysterious martial arts she had learned.

However, facing the tennis I loved so much, I felt for the first time that those words made sense.

(I'm going to lose anyway. But, let's try my best. So that I can continue to love my favorite sport, tennis.)

I didn't want to compromise my sincerity... though, for me in my second year of middle school, I might have just been trying to look cool.

However, the one thing I absolutely didn't want to do was leave behind any regrets──.

How could I have known that it would be my final match.

◇

Haah, Haah, Haah, Haah...!!

I didn't know how much time had passed. At the very least, it hadn't been long enough for a one-set, six-game match to end.

But it felt as long as an eternity.

The intense heat robbed me of my thoughts and my stamina──even so, I desperately clung to the ball.

"Ugh...!"

Occasionally, Shibaki-kun's frustrated face would enter my line of sight.

"Game, Watanuki. 2-4!"

"Alright...!"

I managed to pull back another game on my own serve.

My stamina had been sapped by the heat, but it was the same for him. Shibaki-kun's plays were clearly becoming less and less brilliant.

Carelessness, irritation... Perhaps because I was more tenacious than he imagined, he gradually began to show an impatient attitude.

However, I still had to win four more games from here... The difficulty of making a comeback before he took two games from me would probably be immense.

"Do your best—! Amou—!! Don't lose in spirit—!!"

I heard my sister's voice cheering for me.

That's right, at first I never even thought I could take two games.

As long as I didn't lose heart, maybe...!

"Take this—!!"

Shibaki-kun served the ball. Although it was sharp, having received it a few times today, I had figured out his preferred courses.

He didn't really like to change his playing style. Each strike was powerful, but that was exactly my only opening. It felt like his returns were also just direct hits based on instinct. As long as I thought desperately, I could predict the course, and with effort, I could catch up to it.

"Ngh...!?"

Although it had dulled compared to the beginning, his serve was still heavy.

My timing was slightly off. A strong impact shot up my arm, and a soft, powerless ball barely made it over the net.

"Tch!!"

To seize this shallow ball, Shibaki-kun charged to the net.

(Don't back down, don't back down, don't back down!)

Although his forward charge was quite intimidating, to counter his volley, I cheered myself on and also stepped forward.

Every joint in my body ached. Breathing was difficult.

Even so, the match was still going...!

"Damn it...!"

Suddenly, my eyes met Shibaki-kun's.

For some reason, a flicker of wavering appeared in his eyes. It was as if he were looking at a completely unfamiliar creature... but that was only for an instant before he immediately gritted his teeth and revealed an expression of hatred.

He swung his racket.

(It's not a volley... Oh no!?)

Switching to a groundstroke, Shibaki-kun swung his racket.

His eyes were distorted, as if baring his anger, glaring fixedly at me──.

Immediately following that, a violent pain and impact struck my head, and my vision instantly turned pure white.

Someone's scream, and probably my sister's voice calling out to me.

The world flipped upside down, and my consciousness gradually faded away... In the midst of that.

I felt like I saw Shibaki-kun's twisted smile.

It was almost as if... he were saying "serves you right," a smile brimming with malice.

…………When I woke up, I was lying in a hospital bed.

According to my sister, who was looking after me, it seemed Shibaki-kun's racket slipped from his hand and smashed directly into my forehead.

She said I bled quite a bit, so I needed to be hospitalized for a few days for observation.

It was the first time I had ever seen my sister's face a mess from crying. Even though the situation was so serious, because I was unconscious at the time, it somehow felt like something that had happened far away.

I was told the match ended with Shibaki-kun being disqualified due to dangerous conduct.

My sister fiercely complained, "I really should go and give him a piece of my mind." Although I thought she might actually just storm over and punch him, she was too worried about me to bother with that.

My sister looked a bit embarrassed when she said that, but I was actually very happy. I even felt it was a bit of a shame that I had fainted.

...I think that was the only good part of this whole ordeal.

Dad, Mom, my sister, her friends, my friends, club members... A lot of people came to visit me, so I didn't feel lonely at all.

The results of the detailed examination showed no abnormalities in my body, including my brain, and I was discharged about a week later.

...However, an abnormality did definitely appear.

"Are you okay, Watanuki!!"

A while after being discharged... when I returned to club activities and stepped onto the court, the club advisor came running over to me.

Only then did I realize it. Standing on the court, I was shaking violently, and had even dropped my racket on the ground.

The fear of the racket smashing into my head had been deeply branded into my mind.

Just standing on the court brought back the intense heat of that day. The closer I got to the net, the more a constricting pain throbbed deep in my head, and that malice-filled smile would surface on the back of my eyelids.

The trauma was already etched deeply into my mind... Though I didn't know if that was what he wanted... as if I had been cursed, I lost tennis.

◇

...Even now, I am still terrified of him.

When I found out that the Souichi Shibaki had also enrolled in this high school, I strongly regretted entering it.

I knew almost nothing about what he did after that match. I only vaguely heard that he didn't participate in official tournaments for a while.

He didn't even come to visit me in the hospital, and the people around me, out of consideration for my feelings, began to avoid mentioning him──or rather, any topics related to tennis.

However, upon learning that he was still playing tennis, I felt somewhat relieved. If he had lost tennis because of my incident... he definitely would have hated me to death.

The same high school, the same grade. Honestly, I was constantly worried about when and where I might bump into him. Just standing on the tennis court made me tremble. If we actually crossed paths... just imagining it made me feel like I would be swallowed by intense fear.

That's why that day, when I saw him and Karen doing that──I really felt like it wouldn't matter if I died. Not a single reason to keep living remained.

My tennis was taken away, and the childhood friend I had loved for as long as I could remember was also taken away... It was almost as if the life of Amou Watanuki had been prepared solely to serve as a stepping stone for Souichi Shibaki.

Confronted with such a reality, how on earth was I supposed to find the will to live?

......But, there was someone who saved the me that was like that.

—We're leaving!

She was the one who grabbed the hand of my collapsed self and started running with me.

—Aaaaaaargh!!

The girl who stood by me, facing the ocean, as I poured out my pain.

—how about trying out a fake romance?

—So, I promise you. I won't let go of your hand on my own either. Since you said you won't leave me... this contract is eternal, isn't it?.

—I may not look it, but I’m the clingy type, you know?

The girl who supported and protected my heart.

—Because my goal isn't to win a lawsuit, but to completely and utterly erase the engagement.

—Saying something like this might make you feel uneasy again, but you are by no means unrelated to me. That is absolutely not the case.

The girl who made someone like me feel that I had worth in living.

—Right now, I can't envision a happier future than being with you, Watanuki-kun.

She was simply the girl I wanted to stay beside.

Because Sachika Mamiya was by my side.

"W-What the hell do you think you're doing, butting in like this!?"

"That's my line. Grabbing a girl's shoulder so violently isn't normal. Apologize to her right now."

Feeling my heart pounding violently, I desperately wove my words together.

I had received a message saying Mamiya had an urgent matter with me, and I immediately had a bad premonition. So when I walked out of the school building and happened to see Mamiya heading towards the tennis courts, I was convinced that my uneasiness wasn't a mistake.

There was fear. Hesitation... I couldn't say there’s none of it.

But I couldn't just ignore it—when I saw her being grabbed by Shibaki, before I could even think, my body stepped in between them first.

"Ugh...!!"

(Ngh...)

His gaze pierced through me. As sharp as it was back then.

I'm scared... I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared.

Faced with the fear welling up endlessly, my body was about to tremble. Tears were about to spill over. My legs went weak, and I was on the verge of collapsing.

There was no way such a convenient development like my fear of Souichi Shibaki suddenly disappearing could happen.

But, desperately, making absolutely sure he didn't notice, I crushed my fear and swallowed it down.

Behind me was Mamiya.

The difference in physique between Shibaki and me was simply too vast. It was practically like an adult and a child. My back must have looked incredibly small and unreliable.

Even so, I came here to protect her.

So as to absolutely not make her feel anxious, I desperately bluffed. Tensing my entire body and holding my breath, I just glared fiercely at Shibaki.

"This has nothing to do with you... Whoever you are...!"

"Whether it has anything to do with me or not doesn't matter. You were just about to raise your hand against her, weren't you."

"Guh...! N-No I wasn't!"

"No... You would. You're just that kind of person."

To hide my fear, I intentionally threw out aggressive words that I would never normally use.

There's a saying that offense is the greatest defense. Someone who proactively steps forward and clashes is rarely thought of as cowardly... probably.

More importantly, if his attention turned to me, Mamiya would be correspondingly safer.

The fact that I was scared hadn't changed. Even now, it hadn't changed at all. But, compared to that fear being directed at Mamiya, me getting beaten up was far better.

"Watanuki-kun..."

Mamiya called my name in a voice akin to a low whisper, her words laced with worry. As if to grasp onto a support, or perhaps to hide from Shibaki, she tightly gripped the hem of my school uniform.

Although I didn't have the leeway to turn my head and look at her... I could feel that she was right beside me. That alone was enough to let me suppress my fear.

"Ugh... W-What's your deal...!!"

Shibaki desperately shook his arm, breaking free of my grip, and stumbled backward a few steps.

His movement made me feel a slight sense of incongruity.

He definitely didn't remember me. Whether it was hitting me with a tennis racket, or the time I walked in on him and Karen together... To him, I was probably just some guy not even worth remembering.

That wasn't strange. He had always been the one taking things from me. Even if I was intensely aware of his existence, there was no reason for him to care about me in the same way.

It's just... I thought he was a much more confident man. Arrogant, selfish... If he was defied by a guy who looked weaker than him, his pride shouldn't have been able to tolerate it. Let alone backing down, he definitely would have thrown a punch—that was what I had always believed.

"...Tch."

However, the reality was that he merely clicked his tongue.

He rubbed the wrist I had been gripping, looking at me with what seemed like a frightened gaze.

(...What's going on?)

Protecting Mamiya behind me, I felt completely bewildered by this completely unexpected standoff.

Even so, as we continued glaring at each other like this... he was the first to look away.

"Tch, what the hell, so annoying..."

Spitting out those words, he abruptly turned and left.

This unexpectedly clean conclusion left me standing there, dumbfounded.

No, avoiding trouble was naturally for the best. Even if it actually devolved into a fistfight, I had absolutely no chance of winning.

How lucky. Even though I was always having everything taken away by him... at least right now, I managed to protect Mamiya.

"Haaah~... Saved..."

The taut string finally snapped, allowing me to rest my hands on my knees and let out a massive sigh of relief.

My heart was still pounding. I showed no signs of getting used to this, and I absolutely never wanted to face him again, but my mind felt a little lighter──.

"Watanuki-kun..."

"Ah, Mamiya. Sorry for suddenly butting in──Ouch!?"

Suddenly, Mamiya hugged me tightly from the front!?

It wasn't that kind of light, greeting-style hug. It was the kind of hug where she used all her strength to tighten her arms, pressing her body against mine...!

"Mamiya!?"

"I'm sorry, Watanuki-kun... I'm sorry..."

Mamiya apologized to me in a voice that sounded like she was on the verge of crying, which only made me more confused.

However, at the very least, I understood that she must have been quite distressed too.

"You're not hurt or anything, are you?"

"Yeah... I'm fine. More importantly, are you...? Because, you and Souichi..."

"Me?"

Did she mean about Shibaki... Was she worried about Karen being stolen away from me?

What she was concerned about definitely wasn't that, but the matter before that──.

"Ah, so you did know."

"...Yeah. Because I saw it that day too."

Mamiya nodded lightly.

I had vaguely suspected it from our previous conversations; as expected, Mamiya knew about what had happened between me and Shibaki.

Considering her relationship with Shibaki, it wasn't surprising at all that she had watched that match.

But if that was the case, then Mamiya-san had already realized that my heart was trembling with fear from the very moment I confronted Shibaki...

"Ahaha, how uncool of me."

I had wanted to protect her, but ended up making her worry instead.

Feeling extremely ashamed upon realizing my efforts had been pointless, Mamiya-san shook her head in denial.

"Nn-mm... You were very cool. Cooler than anyone I've ever met... the absolute coolest."

"I-Is that so? I feel like you're praising me a bit too much..."

"Using words, no amount of praise would be enough."

The strength in her arms tightened heavily.

Since she went so far as to say that, I wanted to believe it... But then again, as the fear gradually dissipated, a completely different kind of nervousness regarding this situation welled up inside me.

That being said, I couldn't bear to push her away while she was still hugging me.

"B-But I'm glad. That I made it before things escalated."

"Hey, why did you come here? I didn't even tell you."

"I coincidentally saw Mamiya-san heading this way. Although I thought it wouldn't be good to bother you since you said you had errands to run... because you were walking in that direction, I got a little worried."

She wasn't the type to break a promise for no reason, either.

"...You're right. Just as you worried, things ended up like this."

She loosened her arms and pulled away from me.

Her expression revealed regret.

"I might have underestimated him... Or rather, I feel like I was never able to truly see Souichi clearly from the very beginning. We were always misaligned, and I even hated thinking about him, only caring about myself... If you hadn't come..."

Little by little, Mamiya told me what had happened between her and Shibaki before I arrived.

Being called out by Shibaki, him not apologizing and just talking self-importantly... Her accidentally going too far with her words, which enraged him.

"I really am awful. Even though I know I have a narrow worldview and am definitely not an outstanding person..."

Although I realized this was only a one-sided account and I was biased, from my perspective, Mamiya was hardly at fault.

However, being right didn't mean everything would go smoothly. I had also painfully learned this from what happened with Karen: for different people, what is considered correct and their values can be entirely different.

Furthermore... Mamiya had definitely struck Shibaki's sore spot directly, and it was precisely because Shibaki felt somewhat in the wrong himself that he flew into a rage out of humiliation and became emotionally agitated.

(As a third party, looking from the outside makes it easy to understand... right.)

But when it comes to one's own affairs, it's impossible to be so calm.

Even someone like Mamiya, who to me was like a savior, a hero, a benefactor whom I could never thank enough, was like this.

Therefore... just me alone, or just Mamiya alone, wouldn't work.

"Mamiya, I will stay by your side."

"Eh...?"

"Mamiya, you said you would point out my flaws, right? That you'd help correct me. That's definitely from an angle I wouldn't be able to notice by myself... So, just thinking that Mamiya is watching over me makes me feel incredibly reassured. Though I don't know if I can do the same for you..."

I had always been taking from Mamiya. But, there were things I could do for her, too.

Just like how she took a step forward to protect me from being hurt by Karen, and just like how I stood in front of Shibaki to protect her.

"I want to make up for your weaknesses and anxieties too, Mamiya. Even though I'm completely useless myself, just for this moment, let me act a little tough and say it!"

Exaggerating intentionally, pretending to be unnecessarily cool, putting on a show of confidence──I declared loudly.

"Even if we're two half-baked individuals, as long as we support each other and keep walking forward, we can become a single, complete person together!"

"...!"

Mamiya's eyes widened. Though it was a bit embarrassing... I would push forward without hesitation here.

People can grow. We are both first-year high school students... still in the middle of growing up.

If we were alone, we would definitely get lost. Lose sight of ourselves. We would be exposed to inescapable absurdities, make mistakes, be afraid to move forward... and sometimes even feel like it wouldn't matter if we died.

But, if the two of us are together, maybe it won't be like that.

Even if one of us loses our way, as long as the other lends a hand, maybe we can make it out. Maybe we can act as lifelines for each other, supporting each other, protecting each other.

Wanting to become that kind of existence might just guide us toward growth.

"So, just like how you helped me, Mamiya, let me help you too."

Even if I'm not reliable enough right now, I will become a more dependable version of myself.

When she is lost, I will become the me who can hold her hand and walk ahead.

As long as I keep thinking that, surely──.

"We were both abandoned by our respective partners... We might be considered losers. But precisely because we lost, we cannot give up on pursuing happiness. We are both losing dogs, yet even so, surely..."

My own wishes were mixed in with this. There was no convincing basis, nor did I have confidence.

Even so, I absolutely had to say it.

"Even if we are both losers... precisely because we're fellow losers, we absoooooooolutely must become happy!!"

Gripping her hands tightly, I poured out my true feelings from the bottom of my heart.

Because even if there was no proof, even if it was pitch black and I couldn't see a thing ahead, as long as I was with Mamiya it would be fine—she was the one who made me feel that way countless times.

"Watanuki-kun."

Mamiya called my name and squeezed my hands back with both of hers.

"At times like this, isn't the saying usually 'two halves make a whole'?"

She showed an exasperated smile, as if saying "I really can't do anything with you"... or perhaps it was a smile to hide her embarrassment.

Facing her like that, I couldn't help but let the corners of my mouth rise.

"If two people only add up to one whole person, doesn't that mean they'll forever be half-baked?"

"That's not true. I... if it's with you, I wouldn't mind if it took the two of us to make a whole."

From beneath her stiff, embarrassment-hiding smile, she glanced up slightly to gauge my reaction, yet that smile carried a hint of provocation.

This was the assertive expression unique to Mamiya-san.

"Thank you, Watanuki-kun... No, Amou."

This was different from the time she deliberately tried out that form of address before.

It wasn't overly sweet for lovers, yet slightly too serious for friends.

Holding a trust reserved only for me, she called me by my first name.

This made me so happy, and left my heart tickled... that I almost cried.

"Yeah, Sachika."

Fighting back my tears, I held her hands and nodded deeply.

And just like that, although it happened suddenly, I was finally able to help Sachika a little, and somewhat overcome a fraction of my past trauma.

Just as I was feeling the warmth of her body transmitting through our clasped hands, I began to savor a tiny sense of accomplishment──.

"...Huh? Akkun?"

Another wound, one that could absolutely not be ignored, began to throb with pain.

◇

The sense of loss I felt when I realized I could never play tennis again is something I will never forget.

From the fourth grade of elementary school until my retirement before the summer of my second year in middle school... about four years of accumulation returned to zero in an instant.

The longer you continue doing something, the deeper your love and attachment to it becomes.

Four years—for me, who had only lived for fifteen years, it was an incredibly long time.

But then, what if I lost an accumulation even longer than that, one that almost covered my entire fifteen years of life...?

I had never thought about such a thing. And I always avoided thinking about it.

Even if I was betrayed, even if my goodwill was trampled upon... she was an important person to me, and the time I was saved by her wasn't fake.

"Huh? Akkun?"

"Ka—"

I almost blurted out her name, but forcefully swallowed it back down.

Ever since I could remember, I had always called her that. As naturally as breathing.

But at this very moment, for the first time, I forgot how to breathe.

"Why are you here?"

She didn't notice my abnormality at all. She just tilted her head without a care.

"...Could say the same to you."

"Souichi called me here. He said he was here and told me to come over."

"I see..."

Sachika muttered softly.

Shibaki probably planned to meet up with Karen right after finishing his business with Sachika. For Sachika, this couldn't possibly be an amusing situation.

"Akkun, did you see Souichi? I tried contacting him just in case, but he just won't reply to my messages."

"......"

Although Sachika didn't say anything, the air felt even colder.

As expected, Karen didn't know what had happened between Shibaki and me.

However, putting the cheating aside, regarding that middle school match, I had always used the excuse that she didn't come to watch to avoid talking about it, so I bore some responsibility too.

Telling the girl you like about your failures and mess-ups isn't an easy thing to do... Even though glossing over it like that meant it was impossible to gain her understanding.

"By the way, is that person over there still pestering you, Akkun?"

Her gaze turned toward Sachika. I instinctively tried to protect her, but she took a step forward, beating me to it.

"I'm not 'that person over there', I'm Sachika Mamiya. A pleasure to meet you, Karen Suzaki-san."

Despite her words, it was obvious from her greeting that she had absolutely no intention of getting along. Sachika, who had looked somewhat weak until just a moment ago, had completely regained her energy—no, perhaps that wasn't it.

Just like me. Sachika was trying her best to act strong for my sake, even if it was just on the surface.

"How do you know my name... No, what is your relationship with Akkun?"

"I am..."

She closed her eyes for a few seconds... then, with strong determination, she opened them.

"I am Amou's girlfriend."

"...Huh?"

Sachika declared it clearly, just like that.

Perhaps sensing something from this unambiguous statement, which was different from the last time she confronted Karen, Karen was visibly shaken.

"I-I don't understand what you mean...! Since last time, what on earth have you been talking about...!? T-That's not true, right, Akkun?"

"...No, it's true. She and I, Sachika and I, are dating."

Although in reality, it was just a relationship bearing the title of "fake"... it wasn't a complete bluff either.

I was happy that Sachika could clearly state that we were lovers.

We hadn't become real lovers. I didn't even know what real lovers were actually like.

But, to me, she was special... and I firmly believed that I was special to her as well.

I could puff out my chest and stand proudly by Sachika's side.

"You're lying, Akkun... That kind of thing, that woman is lying, right..."

"It's true. Ka—no, Suzaki-san."

"!?"

Calling Sachika by her first name after realizing she was a special existence, and calling “her”, calling Suzaki-san by her first name somehow felt wrong, so for the first time, I called her by her last name.

Ever since before we dated, ever since we were old enough to remember, we had always called each other by our first names... It wasn't that I didn't feel lonely doing this.

However, upon trying to say it out loud, I found that this actually felt more appropriate. It made me truly realize that the emotional distance between her and me had widened to a fitting degree.

From the moment I fell in love with her, that distance had already been gradually widening. At this moment, I clearly experienced that.

In that space, perhaps even the bond that could be called "just childhood friends" had...

"Hey, Suzaki-san."

"! W-What is it... Right now, Akkun and I are—"

"Do you really not remember me? Before I saw you and Amou together... we met once before that, you know?"

"H-Huh? Someone like you, I don't kno...w..."

Seeing Sachika's face blocking me, Suzaki's tone gradually weakened. Somehow, her face also looked a bit pale.

"Seems like you've finally remembered? That day, I barged into the classroom where you two were flirting and groping your breasts. Then, I punched Souichi hard across the face. Didn't he tell you? Why he got punched... why he had to get punched. Who I actually am."

"T-That kind of thing... I didn't have the leeway to care about that back then..."

Suzaki looked at me. It was almost as if she was saying that she was shaken because I saw her actions with Shibaki... No, maybe that was actually the case.

Towards me, who was still her boyfriend at the time, she must have felt at least a little bit guilty...

(...No, even if she did, it's no big deal.)

In comparison, what was more important was Sachika and Shibaki's relationship. Judging from Suzaki's reaction to Sachika's questions, it was obvious she knew nothing about it.

Seeing this, Sachika immediately pressed her advantage.

"Let me make this clear, I didn't slap him for no reason, okay? Of course, it wasn't due to some stupid misunderstanding from a stalker who self-importantly thought she deserved him. It's just... we are roughly in a fiancé relationship unilaterally decided by both our parents."

"Eh... f-fiancé...?"

Suzaki-san merely repeated the word blankly, as if indicating she didn't understand what those words meant.

However, as understanding dawned on her, her shock transformed into a full-body tremble, manifesting in her expression and her complexion.

Although there was currently no proof of Sachika's words, Suzaki-san seemed to understand... perhaps between women, true feelings can be conveyed even without spelling them out.

The air flowing between them was so heavy and sharp that it made my imagination run wild, and in the blink of an eye, I was the only one left behind.

"Of course, it's fine if you doubt it. You can just go ask him directly. If he denies it saying 'That's not true' or something... hehe, when that happens, please do come complain to me directly."

Sachika smiled fearlessly.

I see, she wants to cancel her engagement with Shibaki. If Shibaki denies the truth and tries to maintain his relationship with Suzaki-san, that would be even more advantageous for achieving the annulment.

Sachika taking a step forward to face Suzaki-san directly was for this very purpose.

"An engagement, that kind... that kind of thing, Souichi never once..."

"Of course he wouldn't voluntarily bring up something like that. It wouldn't do him any good even if he did, right? Besides, he already found being engaged to me completely detestable to begin with."

Facing Suzaki-san, who was trembling from shock and whose eyes couldn't even focus, Sachika replied decisively.

"A girl like you, who is pretty, has large breasts... and looks a bit naive to the ways of the world, is far more his type."

Even if that was the truth, it was information that benefited no one.

Dating and having a physical relationship with another girl despite having a fiancée. When committing such a taboo, any excuses are futile.

This point applied to the deceived Suzaki-san as well... though for me, it left me with complicated feelings.

"...!"

Suzaki-san's expression twisted in pain. Was she unable to forgive the fact that she had been deceived?

That probably meant she felt absolutely no guilt for what she had done to me... however, finding out she wasn't completely obtuse to this kind of thing actually made me breathe a slight sigh of relief.

"Well, having my fiancé stolen is completely meaningless to me anyway. I have no intention of publicly condemning you and making you a laughingstock. Judging from the circumstances, you're a deceived victim too, so even if you continue dating that man, I don't plan to stop you. Suit yourself... well, though I do think he'll pay the corresponding price sooner or later."

A hint of gentleness seemed mixed into those words. It was probably true that Sachika held no personal grudge against Suzaki-san and didn't blame her.

Although Sachika didn't wish to break off the engagement from the very beginning, in a sense, you could say it was thanks to Suzaki-san that Shibaki revealed his true colors.

And now, the reason Sachika deliberately revealed Shibaki's true colors to her, it must be──.

"Then why... did you tell me this...?"

"Because I felt sorry for you. Dating a man like that without knowing anything."

Just as I thought. Even though it was a bit clumsy, this was her kindness—no matter what state she herself was in, she couldn't turn a blind eye to someone in a predicament.

Perhaps there was some calculation involved. But if it were solely for her own profit, she definitely would have chosen not to tell Suzaki-san and let them continue their relationship, as that would be more advantageous.

"T-Then why..."

Suzaki-san's momentum had completely vanished, and it looked like she was barely managing just to stay standing. Even so, what she cared about was──.

"Why... is it Akkun...?"

"...Eh?"

She was talking about me. This was so unexpected that even I, who had been silently observing as a bystander, couldn't help but let out a sound.

"Is it because, being with Akkun is your──"

"Revenge?... I wouldn't choose who I'd date for such a boring reason."

"...!"

These sharp words, which instantly tightened the air and carried the coldest anger of the day, made Suzaki-san, as well as myself, hold our breath.

"The catalyst was indeed because the two of us coincidentally witnessed the affair between you and that man. Both of us were betrayed by our partners, fellow losers licking each other's wounds... That was the beginning. However, the reason I want to be with him—with Amou—from now on, is because from the bottom of my heart, I see him as a special man."

"Sachika..."

"Although he might look a bit unreliable, I know he has a solid heart. His gentle smile, his voice that brings me inner peace, the parts of him that try his best, his various airheaded moments, the times he occasionally says things that piss me off... Hehe, and even the cute way he's probably holding a self-reflection meeting in his head right now just because of a single sentence I said; I love all of it."

Sachika spoke about me in a calm tone that sounded almost like singing.

Her face was turned towards Suzaki-san, so I couldn't see it. However, those words felt entirely directed at me... My chest felt warm.

"Most importantly, when I'm with him, I can be more like myself than at any other time. This is my place to belong... It allows me to like the self I never really liked until now, and makes me feel happy. I want to understand him more... and through him, I want to come to like myself more. Yes, I truly think so from the bottom of my heart."

Every one of Sachika's words seemed so full of feeling that my chest grew burning hot, almost making me cry.

That... even if she felt it differently from me, it undeniably shook the emotions of Suzaki-san, who was standing right in front of her and was the only one who could see Sachika's expression right now.

"I'm thankful to you, too. Your actions led me to meet him, a 'him' I would absolutely never have crossed paths with otherwise. Therefore... as long as you don't do anything unnecessary, I promise you, I won't do anything to you either."

Saying this, Sachika turned her back to Suzaki-san.

Her face, which I could finally see—bore a much more fragile, self-deprecating smile than I had imagined.

Was it really right to do this? Was I being too nosy? Facing that expression seemingly filled with anxiety, I returned a smile that said, "Sachika, you did nothing wrong," and took a step forward, standing in front of Suzaki-san.

"Suzaki-san."

"Ugh... Akkun..."

"......Well."

There were definitely many, many things I wanted to convey, things I needed to convey.

Looking at her thoroughly dejected expression, looking as if she were seeking help, it would be a lie to say my heart didn't waver at all.

But... there was probably not a single thing left that I could do for her.

I used to like her. I also hoped she would like me and feel she needed me, and for that, I gave it my all in my own way. It's just that the result proved to be a mistake, and that mistake completely backfired on me.

Should I vent my anger at her? Or should I apologize to her? Both are right, yet both are also wrong.

Her life and mine had completely gone their separate ways... Therefore.

"I wish you happiness."

I only said that one sentence, and then I smiled.

It wasn't to say I wanted her and Shibaki to grow old together. It was fine if she wasn't with him. Or rather, personally, I thought it would be best for her to cut ties with him.

It was just that I had absolutely no desire for her—for Karen Suzaki—to be unhappy. As a matter of course, I hoped she could walk down a path of a happy life, just like an ordinary person.

I wouldn't be there, and she probably wouldn't even be aware of my existence. But, simply put, I just wished for that.

Because I felt that murmuring a prayer like this was probably the only thing I was allowed to do for her.

◇

"I thought you were definitely going to cry. I even had my handkerchief ready."

"...I won't cry."

Walking out of the school building, after we had walked side-by-side for a while—I returned a wry smile to the words Sachika finally spoke.

To be honest, it really did hurt enough to make me want to cry. However, the tears didn't fall.

"I worried for nothing then."

Sachika said this in a joking tone, putting away the handkerchief she had been holding at some point into her bag.

"You didn't say anything, did you. About what happened between you and that man."

"Ah... that's already in the past, and it has nothing to do with her—with Suzaki-san."

Sachika had already told me what kind of person the current Shibaki was. That was enough.

"Besides, it's such a bitter memory that saying it out loud myself would make it sound far too pathetic."

I hadn't overcome my fear of Shibaki. Whenever hot weather approached, my trauma would relapse. That day, that series of events, could no longer be changed. They could never be healed, and I could never be saved──.

"That's not true at all."

"...Eh?"

Sachika blew my thoughts away.

"It's not pathetic at all. I... during that match, seeing you fight so desperately, I was moved."

"M-Moved?"

"Yeah."

Even though it was an event from years ago, Sachika nodded firmly with passion, as if she were witnessing it right at this very moment.

"Probably, until right before the match started, almost no one doubted that Souichi would win. No one paid any attention to you... Of course, neither did I."

"Right. Because whether it was our physiques or our track records, I was completely out of my league."

"But... after the match started, that perception was flipped on its head. The sight of you desperately clinging to the ball deeply moved me. So unrefined, desperate, reckless, giving it your all... That passion gave courage even to me, who was just watching. In any match, for any point, if you don't go pick it up, nothing can start. It's easy to say, but it's absolutely not an easy thing to do—watching that figure of yours, I had no choice but to understand that, even if I didn't want to."

"I don't think... I was thinking about such an impressive thing."

"It's precisely because you weren't thinking that it was great. That almost unconscious momentum overwhelmed even the venue—and your opponent, Souichi. That's what... led to that outcome. I don't mean to defend him, but he didn't do that on purpose either. From how he looked after the match, that much was obvious."

"That... yeah, I can accept that now. Putting aside how he is currently, at the very least, the tennis player Souichi Shibaki I faced across the net that day made me feel the earnestness he poured into his practice up until then."

"But even if he was deeply shaken back then, he just kept piling up ugly excuses. The me before that, although I wanted to properly support him as his fiancée, I always avoided direct conflict. After all, we were going to get married anyway—this resigned thought had permeated my heart, making me feel that even if it was like this, there was nothing I could do... However, after seeing you desperately chasing the ball, I felt that I couldn't go on like that."

"T-Then, from that point on, you and Shibaki..."

"Yeah. I started speaking harshly to him without any reservation. If I gave up facing it, I would definitely regret it. Because if you don't pick up the ball, nothing starts, right?"

Somehow, it felt ticklish.

It felt like my actions had been interpreted through heavily rose-tinted glasses... however, what someone feels from watching a match is entirely their freedom. Since Sachika thought that way, I had absolutely no reason to deny it.

"Thanks to you, I gained the opportunity to wake up. So since that day, you have always been my benefactor—my hero."

"H-Hero!?"

I was truly taken aback by such an exaggerated claim.

"Hehe. I was really surprised when I found out we enrolled in the same high school. Well, I never thought about initiating a conversation, though. I didn't have a reason to, and my position made it a bit inappropriate."

Sachika laughed self-deprecatingly as she said this. As the fiancée of Shibaki, who had hurt me, she must have had a lot of thoughts on her mind.

Even though there was no need for that──no, the only reason I could think that way was because of how things are now.

If I had met the 'Mamiya' who was Shibaki's fiancée before encountering Sachika the way I did, I probably wouldn't have opened my heart to her.

It was precisely because we met at a time when we were both hurt, betrayed, and fellow losers, and precisely because we bared our embarrassing, inferior, and pathetic sides to each other without reservation, that I was able to meet 'Sachika'.

Our connection definitely wasn't bound by something as solid as destiny. It was merely the kind of fate where, if we had been off by even a fraction, we might not have even become friends.

But, precisely because of that, my encounter with Sachika, and the time we've spent together until now—precisely because they weren't to be taken for granted, I wanted to cherish and protect them from the bottom of my heart.

"Hehe."

"...? What's wrong, laughing all of a sudden."

"No, it just suddenly occurred to me. About how you felt grateful to her. To me, Shibaki is certainly still someone I hate... but perhaps I should be thankful to him for letting me meet you, Sachika."

"Ah..."

A slow response. Did it make her feel like I was teasing her?

"...Because it feels a bit like I'm deceiving you, I'll make this clear."

"Eh? What?"

"You, did you think I conveyed those words to Suzaki-san out of kindness or goodwill? I saw your reaction back then perfectly clearly, you know?"

Ah, she saw it... As expected of Sachika.

Indeed, I did think she was being kind...

"I'm not that merciful of a person. Though it's not like I had absolutely no pity... the main reason was you."

"Me?"

"When you called her by her last name, your expression—even though you tried to hide it, it somehow looked a little lonely. So... I felt she should also properly experience just how heavy the thing she lost truly is."

Sachika pouted her lips slightly, averting her eyes and playing with her hair with her fingers, looking incredibly embarrassed.

But, I was the same... The feelings I thought I had hidden so well had been completely seen through, the fact that she had considered me this much, and the fact that I hadn't even noticed it.

Ah, this person really is so kind.

"L-Let me get this straight first!"

Sachika flushed red and pointed her index finger at me.

"Even if making her realize your importance makes her want to get back together with you, I absolutely won't let you go!? I will resolutely fight to the bitter end!!"

"O-Okay."

I felt like those words weren't just directed at Suzaki-san, but were striking me as well, causing me to reflexively straighten my back. Even though it was completely unfounded anxiety.

Besides, Sachika had definitely forgotten that, for the time being, she still had a fiancé.

Thinking about it calmly, the harsh things Sachika had said to Shibaki through Suzaki-san, even though they were intentional to some extent, almost all of them flew back like a boomerang and hit her instead—

"Hahaha."

"W-Why are you laughing!? I'm not joking around!?"

"I know. So rather than it being funny..."

Seeing her lose her usual composure and protest with a bright red face, I couldn't help but let the corners of my mouth rise.

I was obviously the one who couldn't let go of her hand. She left me so worried that I couldn't possibly leave her alone.

If Sachika were seen like this by others, out of a hundred people, one hundred would definitely turn back to look at her. She would instantly become super popular, and then she'd get all flustered in that kind of situation... I could easily imagine that.

Therefore, I had to stay by her side and watch over her properly—within the boundaries of not going too far, of course.

"Nngh...! Warning! Point deduction! Yellow card!"

"Eh!? S-Sorry!"

Hey, did I cross the line that quickly!?

"Besides, you crossed the line so easily just now... Saying that since we're fellow losers, we must absolutely become happy. That's practically like saying you and me, um, are really—"

She mumbled vaguely, fidgeting, which was so unlike her usual style that it made me tilt my head.

"Uh, I couldn't really hear you—"

"Jeez! As punishment, it's your treat today, Amou!"

"Eh, ah...! Y-Yeah. Got it, Sachika."

Today's after-school date, which had once been canceled.

It naturally revived, which made me so happy... Even though I was being scolded, I couldn't help but break into a bright smile and nod firmly.

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