Fellow Losers Chapter 7

 

Fiancé

The three-day midterm exams had come to an end.

It was the first large-scale exam since entering high school. Until recently, I was somewhat nervous. It was all because I accidentally placed first in the entrance exams, which subjected me to inexplicable pressure, and my parents naturally held high expectations of me as a result.

I'm not good at making friends—or rather, I have almost no memories of interacting with people normally, so school wasn't a very enjoyable space for me. Of course, I understand that my own personality is to blame.

I did have an acquaintance since enrollment, for what it's worth. However, due to a certain incident in middle school, a considerable distance opened up between us, and the event that occurred a month after entering high school turned that crack into a massive chasm...

(...Well, there's no need to think about a man like him.)

Just like that, I cut off my pointless train of thought.

Now, I have a friend—no, a comrade. We are in a relationship where we are both wounded and lick each other's wounds. A boy who is willing to play along with this joke-like fake romance contract with me.

Just being with him allows me to spend every day completely differently than before. At the same time, this has become my reason for wanting to go to school.

The midterm exams finished in the morning. It was the same for both the regular and Advanced classes.

We couldn't meet before yesterday because we had to prepare for the next day's exams... but today is completely free.

"Hehe."

While walking down the hallway, I turned on my phone to check if he had sent a message.

Of course, we had already promised to meet up later. Even though it hadn't been long since I started turning on my phone for non-business communications, I still got excited like a child. Although I wasn't confident I could skillfully use this latest model phone my parents gave me, it felt like a brand new feature had been added to it, and the number of times I messed around with it for no reason had increased.

Just like now──.

"......!"

A message arrived. However, the name displayed in the notification bar wasn't from the person I was hoping for, but from that man I didn't want to see.

My previously floating, lighthearted mood instantly plummeted to rock bottom. And after reading the contents of the message, that feeling only intensified.

I hesitated for a moment... First, I should contact him, contact Watanuki-kun.

"Sigh..."

I let out such a deep, unconcealed sigh, my mood shifting from its peak to its lowest valley.

◆

It was probably before I started elementary school that I first met that man.

Souichi Shibaki. The son of my father's friend, Hajime Shibaki──.

"Sachika, this is your fiancé."

Thinking about it now. Ah, what a truly awful father.

Just because of a promise made before I was born, wanting to marry his daughter off to a man she barely knew—it was too outdated in every sense, absolutely ridiculous.

However, my first thought back then was "What's a fiancé?", and even after listening carefully to the explanation, I just thought, "Oh, I see." Marriage was still something very far away for me.

It's just that Souichi's parents, Hajime-san and Minako-san, were both very kind and always took good care of me. Thinking that I could become family with people like them, marriage didn't seem so bad; I even thought it was quite nice.

Furthermore──.

"Jeez, its really can’t be helped with you, Sachika."

"B-Because, there's a bug..."

"Look, it's fine now."

Facing me, who was frightened by a bug that flew into the room, he wore a helpless expression while catching the bug with a tissue and releasing it outside... That was Souichi.

When we first met, Souichi was a very dazzling existence to me.

A gentle smile, exceptionally good at sports, reliable──and kind.

He not only helped me chase away the icky bugs, but also chased away the mean kids who mocked me. He would hold my hand on the way home, and on days when my parents weren't around and I felt lonely, he would play with me.

Whether my younger self held any romantic affection for him is unknown now, and there's no point in thinking about it.

There is only one thing... Souichi wasn't inherently a bad person.

I think there must have been times when I was glad this person was my fiancé.

Therefore, I always tried hard to become a 'good bride' for him... So, even when I sometimes felt he was 'wrong', I believed he would eventually revert to how he used to be.

He began to change little by little, probably around the upper grades of elementary school.

"You can't do that, Souichi. You have to do your homework properly."

"Who cares. I'll just copy someone else's tomorrow anyway."

"That won't do. You have to finish it yourself."

"So annoying. Everyone says studying is completely useless. And besides, nerds? Or whatever, are super lame."

"How would you know that if you haven't grown up yet? It'll be too late to regret it when you're an adult, you know?"

...We argued so seriously over these trivial topics almost every day.

Later I understood that this was the so-called puberty—a period when boys and girls start to become conscious of each other, for better or worse... But Souichi, chiming in with his friends who said "hanging out with girls is so lame," started to show a distasteful attitude towards me.

Faced with that attitude, my own attitude hardened. Although using "we were just kids" as an excuse is embarrassing, I always felt that if Souichi went down the wrong path, I had to do everything in my power to pull him back on track, so I constantly nagged and lectured him.

As a result, Souichi resisted me even more—which seems only natural in hindsight.

Souichi avoided me, and I also failed to truly understand him.

I thought he would definitely become a professional tennis player like his father in the future. He might even fly overseas to develop his career.

As his fiancée, as his future partner, I had to make up for the things he couldn't do. I had to support him properly.

I even learned foreign languages for that purpose. I also learned how to do housework.

If he was about to be late, I would scold him; if he tried to leave the house with bedhead, I would meticulously point it out every time...

And thanks to that──.

"Tch, so annoying."

His catchphrase became this. I was despised to this extent.

Without a doubt, Souichi hated his engagement to me. Although he hid it from the people around him normally, he was a tyrant at home with a strong sense of pride, and naturally hated being scolded by me, or even by his parents.

It seemed he still somewhat liked tennis, so he practiced properly, but other than that he was incredibly sloppy, and he only showed that side of himself to me.

Just hearing this, it almost sounds like I was the only one being treated specially... It might make people think that, but he absolutely had no such intention.

Towards me, who knew his true nature—his secret—he always looked at me with hateful eyes, probably feeling like I had a hold over him.

But, even so, I always thought that someday I would be able to reach a mutual understanding with that version of him──no, that I could make him understand that everything I did was for his sake. I wanted so badly to believe that.

That must have been the self-righteousness of thinking "I am the one who's right."

I also have many things I should reflect on. If I had approached him more back then, looked at him properly, and stayed close to his feelings... maybe we wouldn't have met such an ending.

(Although he also said the lowest of the low things to me, like "Since you're my fiancée, you should spread your legs..." if I had just endured it and submitted back then...)

...It's too late to think about it now.

After all, ever since the day Watanuki-kun and I witnessed that decisive scene—no, long before that—an irreparable chasm had surely already opened up between Souichi and me.

◆

I dragged my heavy steps toward the designated location──behind the tennis courts.

"You're too slow."

He──Souichi, leaning against the wire fence, opened his mouth with this complaint as his very first sentence.

He was still wearing his school uniform, and the courts were completely empty. Club activities were suspended during the exam period, a rule that applied until today, the last day of exams.

Even so, to specifically designate this place... It was probably because, for him, the tennis courts were his home turf.

I couldn't help but chuckle inwardly; for this man to call someone out at his own convenience and specify his own territory just proved how petty he was.

That being said, I had absolutely no reason to be told I was late. I was the one suddenly called out, and I had hurried straight here, dragging my heavy feet.

"What do you want?"

"What do you think. I went out of my way to make time for you."

"............"

I thought to myself that he wasn't so busy he needed to "make time," but I didn't say it out loud. He just had the kind of personality that thought emphasizing how busy he was made him look cool.

"My old man said something. He asked why Sachika hadn't come over to tutor me before the exams like she usually does. He suspected that I might have done something to make you mad."

Souichi grumbled like this. He had a large build, but in matters like this, he was very childish.

"Suspected?"

"Hey, don't tell me you... leaked that incident to them?"

I didn't understand why he was glaring at me so reproachfully.

Furthermore, he should have known that I hadn't told his parents about that incident—about his cheating. Because if I had, the situation would absolutely not have stopped at mere suspicion.

Is it because of that? That's why his attitude seemed so relaxed, even carrying a hint of acting spoiled.

Perhaps he thought the fact that I hadn't snitched, that I didn't seem to care too much about his cheating, and that I hadn't planned to break up with him meant that I was showing weakness.

"Well, it's because you refused to tutor me that my exams are a bit sketchy now... Well, whatever about that, anyway, you should be about done being mad by now, right?"

Hearing these words from him, my heart didn't waver in the slightest.

Towards those childish words that were worlds apart from an apology, let alone sympathy, I couldn't even muster up any anger.

I suppose that was his way of conceding. In a certain sense, it could even be called growth. However, it was already impossible for me to feel happy about it.

There was only emptiness. Just like the nihilistic feeling of checking the answers to an incredibly simple test.

(As expected, I should have just ignored him. If I had, I could be with Watanuki-kun right now...)

Being suddenly called out by Souichi. The reason I deliberately agreed to the meeting was precisely to see clearly what he was like right now.

Even though he already had a fiancée, he passionately kissed someone else's girlfriend. From how skilled they looked, I could directly sense that they had definitely repeated it many times, and they had surely progressed to stages even further than kissing.

(And yet... I foolishly held onto the hope that maybe Shibaki Souichi could revert to the gentle person he was when we first met.)

At that time, tears and regret welled up all at once.

Watanuki-kun pointed out that I was hurt, and he was absolutely right. Back then, if Watanuki-kun hadn't been by my side, I don't know what would have become of me... I was so panicked I couldn't even speak, and I even felt like it wouldn't matter if I died.

It wasn't that my affection for Souichi had cooled down.

It was more about how I was supposed to explain this to my parents and Souichi's parents, and what all the time we had spent until now even meant... things like that.

For me, if the obligatory position of being Souichi's fiancée was stripped away, there would be nothing left in my life. Therefore, the rupture of our engagement was tantamount to a denial of my entire life.

(That's right, the me from back then would have definitely believed that from the bottom of her heart.)

I let out a soft, self-deprecating sigh. Thinking about it now, that thought was incredibly foolish.

If Souichi were to run over right now, bow his head and admit his fault, my heart might waver a little bit.

However, I couldn't imagine it. After all, we had built up a kind of trust in the worst possible sense—I was absolutely certain he would never do that.

It was as unrealistic as fantasizing, "If a meteorite hits the school, we'll get a day off." At least, to me it was.

"Hey, are you listening?"

"...I'm not listening."

"Tch. What the hell..."

He clicked his tongue and stood there incessantly shaking his leg. This nimble little twitch was a habit of his when he was irritated.

Although he looked rough on the outside, he showed no signs of resorting to unreasonable violence. Souichi had a fierce face and often scared people, but surprisingly, he almost never used violence.

The old me even tried to consider this one of his virtues... but looking at it now, the answer was obvious.

To him, his arrogant attitude was armor to protect himself. It was absolutely not a weapon used to suppress others. A turtle's shell is hard, but usually, it just hides inside it. It doesn't suddenly fly into the sky and execute a ramming attack. The logic was the same.

I had only ever seen him hurt someone else because of his own selfishness once.

"I told you we need to maintain at least the basic minimum of family interaction, didn't I. My old man and the others, they constantly nag about you every single time, it's so annoying... Seriously, what's so good about a woman who always wears such a sour face anyway."

Speaking of which, wasn't this supposed to be an occasion for an apology? Yet you nonchalantly badmouth me...

"Those words, are you comparing me to someone? I believe her name was... Karen Suzaki-san, right?"

Ah, I had intended to stay silent, but it accidentally slipped out.

Probably not expecting me to know that name, Souichi's shoulders gave a violent jolt.

"...Let's not bring up Karen right now."

"You called her by her first name. It's nice that you get along so well."

Even if I hadn't known he called her by her first name, I could have predicted it. Because I heard from Watanuki-kun that Suzaki-san referred to Souichi by his first name.

"Of course Karen is a much better woman than you. She's sweet, cute, and she respects me!"

I don't know what struck a nerve, but he suddenly started praising Suzaki.

That so-called 'respect' definitely included allowing him to touch her body, didn't it.

"Let me make this clear, I have no intention of marrying someone like you, no matter what my old man says. If I'm getting married, I absolutely don't want an arrogant woman like you who doesn't even know how to be considerate. A woman like Karen who knows how to give me face is definitely better."

He spoke as if women were his personal property. Values vary from person to person, but by that standard, I certainly wouldn't meet his expectations.

"But I've said it many times, right? Because of our parents. So we're just keeping up appearances. At this point, I don't expect anything from you either."

"Does that mean you'll eventually propose breaking off the engagement to Hajime-san and the others, then?"

"Ugh..."

Souichi visibly recoiled. Because if he said that, he would be the one getting scolded. He was hoping I would bring it up tactfully, without ruining the mood... That was the vibe he was giving off.

He thoroughly degraded the other person, yet now he wanted to take the opportunity to act spoiled. You're completely oblivious to this, aren't you.

"Did you think I was some kind of superhero or something? That I'd properly clean up everything you hate. That I'd take care of all your dirty work for you."

The words spilled out faster than my thoughts.

To be honest, I was extremely pissed off. Or rather, it would be strange if I wasn't angry.

Thankfully, I had absolutely no lingering feelings for him. But that didn't mean all my emotions had vanished. On the contrary, thinking 'there's no need to hold back anymore', the words poured out like opening the floodgates.

"You weren't expecting anything anyway, right? Rather than coming to a cold-faced woman like me who doesn't even know how to be considerate, why not ask the sweet and cute Suzaki-san who can satisfy your childish desires. Who knows, maybe Hajime-san and the others will like her too?"

Well, although I thought she wasn't their type, they did have a tendency to dote on their child, so they might smoothly accept it... Of course, I wouldn't crush the bomb I held in my own hands, though.

"You bitch, are you messing with me!?"

I had only intended to poke him lightly, but Souichi, whose boiling point was as low as liquid nitrogen, flew into a rage.

He took a large step closer and roughly grabbed my shoulder.

"Ugh...! Let go of me...!"

The force was so strong it made me stumble, causing me to cry out reflexively. He had never used violence against me until now. However, the pain of my shoulder being gripped was enough to invoke fear.

Hearing my frightened voice, the corners of Souichi's mouth curled up. I saw his empty right hand clench tightly into a fist.

He realized that threatening me with violence was highly effective.

"Don't get carried away!"

Even though I knew showing weakness would only make him escalate, his roar still made my body freeze.

His clenched fist was raised──all he had to do next was swing it down at me.

The overwhelming difference in our physiques and strength.

Faced with this inescapable reality, my bravado was easily stripped away.

If that fist really came down on me, would I be able to remain as I am now?

Would my spirit break from the pain, making me apologize desperately and submit?

(...No.)

From within the fear, a spirit of rebellion surged up.

Violence is terrifying. I had never been hit by anyone, but common sense told me it was no light matter.

But, even if it hurt to be hit, even if I was forced to taste a humiliation worse than that, I didn't want to submit.

I came here to see the current Souichi. And then—I wanted to completely sever that tiny lingering attachment, so I could live in a way that let me hold my head high in front of him... in front of Watanuki-kun.

So... So...!

"Stop."

(Ah...)

Tensing my body to brace for the impending pain, I squeezed my eyes shut tight. At that moment, a voice that was slightly high-pitched for a boy reached my ears.

At the same time, the pain from my gripped shoulder began to fade—opening my eyes, I saw a hand, somewhat smaller than Souichi's, gripping his hand.

(Watanuki-kun...?)

I stared intently at the back of the figure who had stepped in as if to protect me.

"W-What the hell do you think you're doing, butting in like this!?"

"That's my line. Grabbing a girl's shoulder so violently isn't normal. Apologize to her right now."

Facing the angry roar, he──Amou Watanuki retorted straightforwardly.

In terms of physique, he was clearly the thinner and more slender one.

However, his back looked incredibly reliable. It even made me almost forget the situation and want to hug him tightly.

"Ugh...!"

Souichi was looking down at him with hateful eyes. His arm was trembling, perhaps simply because Watanuki-kun's grip was too strong.

In contrast, although I could only see Watanuki-kun's back, I felt that he was calmly looking straight at Souichi.

The majesty of the strong. The composure born from it... No, that's not it. That wasn't it.

I knew. Right now, Watanuki-kun was desperately suppressing the fear in his own heart.

Judging by their size difference, Watanuki-kun was clearly at a disadvantage. But I knew that his heart was trembling from another kind of fear, something even worse than this, yet he still mustered up his courage to protect me.

──I heard Souichi plays tennis too. They say he's the best among our age group!

──I heard Souichi knows a lot about injuries too. So, if Akkun could get some help from Souichi, you could play again──.

I remembered the words Watanuki-kun had heard from that insensitive childhood friend of his.

She probably didn't know. Just how cruel that was to Watanuki-kun, how utterly inconsiderate it was to stomp right on his landmine.

And that was precisely the thread connecting Amou Watanuki and Souichi Shibaki.

Watanuki-kun hadn't said it. Even so, I had figured it out.

To him, Souichi was his fated rival—and also the target of an intense trauma, an object of fear.

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